You can picture it: a dear friend has just welcomed her long-awaited baby, and you feel an overwhelming urge to rush over to cuddle that adorable little one. It takes all your willpower not to show up at the hospital and interrupt those precious moments when the staff is pampering her. Whether it’s the intoxicating scent of a newborn or the fear of hurting her feelings by not expressing interest in her new addition, the desire to hold that baby is real. But hold on—let’s rethink this.
Reflecting on my own experiences as a new mom, I remember feeling quite the opposite. Just a couple of months in, I realized I didn’t want more visitors to overwhelm my sensitive baby with their unfamiliar faces, loud voices, or endless bouncing. I didn’t want him to get used to being constantly entertained. And honestly, I wouldn’t have been hurt if no one came to visit. I had a partner at home to keep me company, but during the day, I was too exhausted and messy to feel lonely.
Before becoming a mom, I was one of those friends who would show up just to hold your baby. For that, I sincerely apologize to all the new moms I may have overwhelmed. No mother I know was eagerly awaiting my visit—empty-handed, no less!
Now that I have a better understanding, here are some essential guidelines for visiting a new mom:
- Bring Food She’ll Enjoy
Opt for takeout from a nice restaurant. Make sure to order enough for both the new parents, so there are leftovers for later. If you can’t afford to treat her, reconsider whether you should hold that baby. - Don’t Eat Her Food
If there’s a delicious meal simmering in her kitchen, politely decline. Remember, you’re not really a guest but an intruder. Every bite you take is less for her family. Stick to water if you need a drink. - Bring a Thoughtful Gift
Even if you contributed at the baby shower, check in with her about what she needs. Simple gifts like diapers or pacifiers are appreciated and practical. - Capture the Moments
If you’re handy with a camera, bring it along and take some lovely photos. Just share them for free—no strings attached! - Dress for the Season
Avoid gifting clothing that isn’t seasonally appropriate. Babies grow quickly, so keep it practical. - Avoid Decorative Items
New moms don’t need extra knickknacks that will just collect dust. Leave nursery decorating to the parents. - Be Helpful
If she’s a bit controlling about her space, remind her that soon her little one will be mobile, and she’ll need to accept help. - Do the Dishes
If you notice a sink full of dishes, take the initiative to wash and load them into the dishwasher properly. Don’t wait for her permission; just do it. - Help with Laundry
See a pile of clean clothes? Fold them—even the underwear! It’s a small act that can make a big difference. - Be an Active Support
One friend brought food and even called from the store to ask what I needed. Another friend cleaned my kitchen while I got some much-needed self-care time. That’s the kind of friend every new mom appreciates! - Don’t Be the Selfish Visitor
Avoid showing up empty-handed or without any thoughtfulness. Everyone remembers those who didn’t bring anything when they could have contributed something small.
If you’ve been that friend in the past, it’s time to change your approach. Make a note to bring a thoughtful gift the next time you visit a new mom. After all, your day will come when you find yourself in her shoes, wondering about those visitors who didn’t bring anything.
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Summary: Visiting a new mom requires mindfulness and consideration. By bringing food, gifts, and being helpful, you can ensure your visit is more enjoyable and supportive for her. Remember, it’s all about creating a positive experience during a challenging time.