Updated: March 22, 2018
Originally Published: Jan. 4, 2015
After spending nearly four years back in the workforce, I reflect on my journey from stay-at-home mom to a working mother. While my previous role garnered endless compliments from family and even strangers, the transition hasn’t always come with the same support. I often hear phrases that, while seemingly innocent, carry an underlying message that can make working moms feel judged. Balancing the demands of work and family is no easy feat, and sometimes all we want is a little understanding. Here are ten remarks that working mothers would prefer not to hear:
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“I could NEVER leave my kids at daycare!”
While this sentiment might be genuine, it often implies a judgment about those of us who have no choice. It can come off as a subtle “I’m a better mother than you!” comment, so it’s best to keep this thought to yourself.
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“Wouldn’t it be great if you could help more at school? Your son would love it!”
I totally understand that teachers appreciate parental involvement, but it’s tough when I already volunteer as much as I can. School should be a place for kids to thrive without adding pressure on working parents to be there constantly.
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“Hello? Jessica? You need to pick up Mini Thompson—he’s running a fever.”
This dreaded phone call usually hits when I’m deep into work and my spouse is in a meeting. The frantic rush to daycare while trying to manage work responsibilities adds a layer of stress that’s hard to shake off.
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“Can you at least be an assistant coach this season?”
Honestly, no. Between dinner prep, homework help, and the elusive “quality time,” I simply don’t have the bandwidth to take on coaching duties.
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“We’re adjusting lesson times to 4 PM instead of 5:30 PM.”
Why are so many kids’ activities scheduled during work hours? I know it might benefit the kids, but it makes it harder for working parents to participate and leaves us feeling out of touch.
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“Nice purse/haircut/bracelet! I wish I could afford that.”
This may seem harmless, but it often comes with the implication that I’m working just to enjoy luxuries rather than to support my family.
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“Maybe he’d be calmer if he spent more time with you.”
This comment cuts deep. The suggestion that my absence contributes to my child’s behavior makes me question if I am doing enough as a parent.
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“Couldn’t you work part-time instead? You’re gone a lot!”
Many people don’t realize that part-time daycare can be just as pricey as full-time care. I initially considered going part-time, but the numbers just didn’t add up.
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“HOW DO YOU DO IT??”
What often sounds like a compliment can feel like a challenge. It’s tough to convey that my life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows while juggling household chaos.
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“Don’t you MISS your kids when you’re at work?”
Of course, I do! It’s a given. But unless you’re willing to help out with my bills, let’s skip the condescension.
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Summary:
Working mothers often face a barrage of well-meaning but ultimately unhelpful comments that can undermine their choices and amplify their stress. Understanding and empathy can go a long way in supporting these busy parents as they navigate the challenges of balancing work and family life.