When it comes to parenting, there are certain phrases that every mother—myself included—knows are best avoided. One of those phrases is “be quiet.”
But why is it frowned upon? In an ideal scenario, I would seize every interruption as a chance to teach my children about patience. I would crouch down to their level, gently place my hand on their shoulder, and explain that while I value their thoughts, interrupting me is not polite. I would encourage them to return when I’m ready to listen to all about the latest masterpiece they’ve created featuring rainbow unicorns. This would create a heartwarming scene fit for a storybook.
However, in reality, my kids seem to need my attention every few minutes, making it impractical to engage in this thoughtful dialogue every time they have something to say. Honestly, I do want to hear them out—most of the time—but I also have responsibilities to manage, most of which revolve around them. Sometimes, they really just need to be quiet.
A Typical Morning
Take a typical morning, for instance. I sit down at my desk, ready to tackle a to-do list filled with tasks like paying bills, checking the calendar, signing permission slips, making phone calls, and even planning dinner. I usually set them up with a TV show or activity to keep them occupied while I work.
That is, until I need to make a phone call. It’s as if the moment my phone connects, all three of them suddenly have pressing matters to discuss, and they shout their urgent needs at me: “I’m hungry!” “What’s for lunch?” “I don’t like this show!” “She’s touching me!” I can assure you, none of these proclamations are as urgent as they seem, yet they bombard me with their demands the instant I put the phone to my ear.
Before each call, I prepare myself mentally, usually gearing up to express my dissatisfaction with some service or another. I’ve reviewed my emails and gathered all the necessary information, ready to unleash my well-crafted complaint. But instead of diving into my well-deserved rant, I find myself politely asking the representative to hold while I shush my kids. This usually buys me a brief moment of peace—maybe thirty seconds—before they come right back at me with more distractions.
At this point, I’ve only managed to tell half of my story to customer service. Frustrated, I skip the pleasantries and just tell them to hold on while I firmly instruct my children to stop talking and go play. This might grant me another minute of silence before one of them pops back up asking, “When is lunch?”
The Necessity of “Be Quiet”
In moments like this, a simple “be quiet” becomes a necessary tool. It’s a straightforward way to convey that they need to stop talking right now. They know what a phone is and how it works, so when they interrupt, it feels like they’re deliberately disregarding my needs.
I used to feel guilty about using this approach, but parenting is exhausting, and I can’t be gentle all the time. While toddlers may benefit from a softer approach, I don’t think it’s helpful to overly cushion their experiences. There’s a fine line between keeping them safe and allowing them to become spoiled.
It’s healthy for kids to realize they aren’t always the main focus of attention. They need to understand that sometimes their behavior is disruptive, and it’s okay for them to feel a bit uncomfortable when they’ve been rude. Clear communication helps everyone understand their role, as kids will take any opportunity to push boundaries.
I don’t frequently resort to telling them to be quiet, but when I do, they know it means to stop talking unless there’s a true emergency. In my opinion, that’s a valuable lesson for them to learn.
Additional Resources
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Conclusion
In summary, while telling my kids to be quiet might seem harsh, it’s sometimes necessary for maintaining focus and setting boundaries. Clear communication is crucial, and my children will ultimately benefit from knowing that not every moment is about them.