Understanding What Parents Really Mean When They Talk to the Babysitter

After a whirlwind evening of getting my kids fed, bathed, and tucked into bed, I finally have a moment to breathe. My makeup—though a bit smudged from my lack of practice—looks decent, and I’m dressed in my best clothes, free from mystery stains. As my partner heads out the door, I prepare to give the babysitter my final instructions. What she may not realize is that there’s often a stark contrast between what I say and what I truly mean.

What I Say: Help yourself to anything in the kitchen.

What I Mean: Go ahead and indulge in the fresh veggies—my kids won’t touch them. The pasta is also up for grabs since I stockpile it like it’s gold, given that it’s the only thing my daughter will eat. Just steer clear of the graham crackers; they’ve been there for ages and are deemed “yucky” by my son. And for the love of all things holy, don’t even glance at the chocolate hidden behind the cans of corn—I know exactly how much is there, and let’s just say it’s off-limits.

What I Say: Feel free to invite a friend over.

What I Mean: Sure, bring a friend—especially if they happen to be a cleaning enthusiast. Do you have any pals who enjoy tackling stubborn yogurt stains or could help lift the couch for a thorough vacuuming? There’s a little bonus in it for you if you can uncover the source of that mysterious smell emanating from the toy box.

What I Say: She should be sleeping while you’re here.

What I Mean: The word “should” is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. In theory, my two-year-old should sleep soundly through the night. However, expect to hear soft knocks on her bedroom door every ten minutes, followed by an enthusiastic, “Me awake! Me play!” Of course, I’d appreciate it if you could try to put her back to bed, but brace yourself for the inevitable chorus of “I’m not sleepy!” that will follow.

What I Say: Watch whatever you’d like on Netflix.

What I Mean: Feel free to binge on anything you want, but don’t judge my viewing history under “Recently Watched.” I’ve spent my day helping animated characters find things and building with toys. After the kids are in bed, I crave the most adult content available. If you notice a trend toward darker shows, I assure you it’s merely a form of therapy for parents like me, drowning in a sea of colorful chaos.

What I Say: We shouldn’t be out too late.

What I Mean: We haven’t had a night out in ages, and we’re going to make the most of it! After dinner and a movie, we might even find ourselves parked in a drugstore lot, reminiscing about the good ol’ days. And yes, we may have packed an overnight bag just in case we decide to extend our escape. By the way, do you offer a weekly rate?

What I Say: Call me if you have any questions.

What I Mean: The only question I want you to ask is if my son’s arm is still attached. As long as he’s breathing and there’s been no major bloodshed, I’d prefer not to be disturbed. No need to call about the ice cream situation or my daughter’s seventh request for a drink. You’re the babysitter; you’re in charge. Mama needs a night out!

For more tips on navigating parenting and babysitting challenges, check out our post here. And if you’re exploring ways to boost your chances of conception, Make A Mom offers great insights. For additional family planning resources, Resolve is an excellent place to start.

Summary:

This light-hearted guide reveals the hidden meanings behind common phrases parents use when instructing babysitters. From kitchen rules to sleep expectations, the article humorously illustrates the contrast between what parents say and what they truly mean, emphasizing the challenges and hilarity of parenting.