Seven years ago, my partner and I received the life-changing call that we were about to become parents. Our daughter had already entered the world, and we scrambled to gather our things, make calls, and travel out of state for court to secure custody of our little girl. Fast-forward to today, and our family has expanded to include three children, all of whom we adopted at birth and through transracial placements. We’ve found ourselves part of a unique community of adoptive families who share many common experiences.
Here are 20 signs that your family has been shaped by adoption:
- You can easily identify another adoptive family in any setting and exchange a knowing glance.
- When someone mentions something “rad,” you instantly think of reactive attachment disorder.
- You know adoption and foster care statistics by heart and can recite them effortlessly.
- You’ve faced the question of whether your kids are “real” siblings more times than you can count.
- Your family gets double-takes wherever you go, often prompting curious stares.
- Phrases like “adopt a puppy” or “adopt a highway” can be particularly irksome.
- You’ve been asked how much it cost to adopt your children.
- Some people have expressed, “God bless you for giving those children a good home,” right in front of them.
- A stranger has inquired if your decision to adopt was inspired by celebrities like Sandra Bullock or Angelina Jolie.
- You’ve been asked if you plan to tell your children about their adoption while they’re standing right next to you.
- People have suggested that many women who adopt often find out they’re pregnant at the same time—what a surprise!
- You’ve been asked which country your children are from and noticed the confusion when you mention they were born in the U.S.
- You are familiar with terms like FAS, RAD, and PTSD and what they mean for your children.
- It annoys you when people refer to you as an “adoptive” mom instead of simply their mom.
- You probably own multiple copies of “Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born,” gifted to you repeatedly.
- People tell you how great you look, as if you had just given birth.
- Friends and acquaintances often share how they’ve always wanted to adopt.
- Your children are frequently labeled as “lucky” to have you as their parent.
- You’ve been asked if, having adopted, you now plan to have “your own” children.
- Your hands are full, your heart is overflowing, and you wouldn’t trade this journey for anything.
Choosing to adopt is a unique journey that requires immense patience and commitment. If you are already navigating the world of adoption or considering it, my advice is to brace yourself with a glass of wine and prepare for the adventure ahead.
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In summary, being an adoptive parent comes with its own set of unique experiences, challenges, and rewards. From the questions you encounter to the connections you make with other families, every moment is a testament to the love that forms the foundation of your family.