Navigating the world as a special needs parent can be an incredibly challenging journey that demands resilience, time, and a strong support network. One of the more difficult aspects of this experience is encountering well-meaning but often thoughtless remarks from others. For many parents, especially those who have just begun to learn about their child’s unique needs, these comments can amplify feelings of isolation and frustration.
Here are five phrases that special needs parents would prefer others to steer clear of, particularly when they are just starting out on their journey.
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“God only gives special children to special parents.”
While this may sound comforting, it inadvertently places the burden of responsibility on the parent. It can evoke feelings of inadequacy, suggesting that the parents must be exceptionally strong to handle the challenges ahead. No one wants to feel as if they were chosen for a hardship that implies their child was somehow flawed.
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“You can hardly tell anything is wrong.”
This comment implies that there is indeed something ‘wrong’ and that only those who meet a certain standard of ‘normal’ are acceptable. Saying “you can barely tell” suggests that the child is almost fitting in, which can feel like a backhanded compliment and can undermine the reality of the struggles they face.
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“What do those doctors know anyway?”
Dismissing medical professionals’ expertise can leave parents feeling unsupported and even more isolated. Parents often seek validation for their child’s needs and require constructive dialogue to navigate treatment options. Ignoring a diagnosis does not make the situation easier.
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“I’d sue the doctors if I were you.”
It’s impossible to predict how anyone would react in a similar situation. Even if there were grounds for legal action, pursuing a lawsuit is unlikely to resolve the emotional turmoil or restore a child’s health. Parents are often more focused on finding solutions for the present rather than dwelling on past grievances.
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“I know exactly how you feel.”
Unless you have faced the same circumstances, it’s impossible to genuinely understand someone else’s feelings. Statements like this can alienate parents, making them feel even more isolated in their experience.
The best way to support a parent of a child with special needs is to simply listen and offer understanding. Validating their feelings and being there for them can make a significant difference. A shoulder to lean on can be the most valuable support during such a challenging time.
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Ultimately, understanding and compassion are key. Special needs parents often battle with their emotions and challenges, and a kind word or a simple acknowledgment can go a long way.