When my partner and I were knee-deep in potty-training our first child, we had some friends visit from out of town. They were first-time parents with an adorable little one who was the picture of sweetness. The father, our good friend Mark, had recently watched a show on how to potty train your child in a weekend. He enthusiastically declared, “Just do A, B, and C, and she’ll be fully potty-trained by Monday!” Oh, bless his heart!
As if we hadn’t already tried A, B, and C—or every other letter in the alphabet for that matter. We had spent the previous year doing everything imaginable to encourage our little girl to use the toilet, from rewards and praise to bribery and all sorts of creative tactics—short of actual magic spells.
All parents can relate to the frustration of receiving unsolicited advice from those without kids. I often wonder how I managed to give advice back then; if you ever witnessed me doing so, please feel free to retroactively give me a gentle slap. Almost as irritating is the advice from those who have one charming child under the age of three. I affectionately refer to these parents as POOPCUPs: Parents Of One Perfect Child Under Preschool-age.
POOPCUPs, bless their hearts, are often a bit misguided. They simply lack the broader perspective that comes with experience. My friend with his sweet baby was one of them, and I might have been the President of the POOPCUPs myself!
Firstborns often appear to be little angels, at least in their parents’ eyes. This blissful illusion can lead to the decision to have more kids. They are adorable, they fill us with immense love, and before they reach three, they trick us into believing we are exceptional parents. Yes, raising a baby or toddler can be challenging—with the crying, the constant supervision, and the occasional sleepless nights. But amidst those struggles, there are also endless smiles, giggles, and tender moments.
I know some of you with toddlers might disagree, but let’s be honest: parenting kids under three is, in many ways, straightforward. Sure, it’s exhausting to chase after them and manage their unpredictable sleep schedules, but the fundamental tasks of parenting are relatively simple.
I remember thinking that I was in the toughest phase of parenting when my first was a toddler. I assumed I would be much more adept at managing an older child’s emotional complexities. After all, I had taught older kids before—I thought I was well-prepared to handle any challenges. I believed that once I reached the stage of getting decent sleep and a bit of personal time, I could tackle any emotional hurdles my children might present.
The reality? I was clueless. The emotional toll of parenting can quickly become just as draining—if not more so—than the physical demands.
Now, back to my reign as POOPCUP President. My first child was a delightful baby who, while not the best sleeper until about 18 months, brought us so much joy. She was bright, curious, and mostly agreeable. Had she remained our only child, I might have been the most self-righteous mother around, basking in the glow of her compliance and charm.
But then came our second child. Ah, she is a wild spirit! At just two years old, she named her favorite doll “Horse” without a second thought. She has a remarkable affinity for all things animal-related and has even expressed her desire to be a creature instead of a human. Let’s just say she didn’t attend prayer meetings with the same reverence as her sister!
Once you have more than one child, you quickly realize that much of their behavior is innate and not a reflection of your parenting prowess.
I know that sharing these thoughts might make me unpopular with the parents of one little one. I remember feeling annoyed when parents of multiple children acted like I lacked experience with only one. I fully acknowledge that parenting one child can be incredibly challenging; however, it’s nothing compared to juggling multiple. This isn’t a judgment, just a fact.
I empathize with POOPCUPs because I was one. You likely know some, too, or perhaps you are one yourself! If you’ve moved beyond the POOPCUP phase, you may chuckle at their well-meaning but misguided advice. Just be patient; their time will come. Let them revel in the joys of their perfect child while they can.
For more insights on parenting and the journey to parenthood, check out our other blog post on home insemination. If you’re looking for helpful resources related to infertility, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists has excellent information. Also, if you’re interested in enhancing fertility, visit Make a Mom for valuable tips.
Summary:
Navigating the world of parenting is a unique journey, especially as a first-time parent. The initial delight of having one seemingly perfect child can lead to a skewed perception of parenting challenges. As parents welcome more children, they often realize that innate behaviors play a significant role in their children’s personalities. Understanding and embracing the complexities of parenting can help ease the way for both new and seasoned parents alike.