I’m not sure if angry is the right word, but I am definitely feeling frustrated. Despite spending countless hours on baby advice websites, poring over numerous parenting books, and engaging in endless discussions with fellow moms and my own mother, no one prepared me for the surprising after-pregnancy side effects that linger long after childbirth.
Sure, I anticipated certain challenges: overwhelming fatigue, an indescribable love for that tiny human I brought into the world, and swapping my cute bikini for a mom-friendly tankini at the pool. But these unexpected side effects caught me off guard…
- After having two little ones in just two years, I discovered that a laugh, a sneeze, or even a quick dash up the stairs could lead to an unplanned trip to the lingerie drawer.
- I consider myself a level-headed person, yet I was completely unprepared for the sleep-deprived and hormone-ridden version of myself that emerged post-baby. Most of this craziness was directed at my partner, but in all fairness, he had it coming!
- The space between my nose and upper lip, once adorned with charming freckles, has become a battleground for stubborn dark hairs. My lady-stache is just the beginning; I also contend with prickly black whiskers that seem to multiply overnight. Thanks, hormones!
- There were nights when I stared at my peacefully sleeping baby, contemplating how I could get back at my partner for sleeping through yet another diaper blowout. A pencil in the ear might have been too drastic, but I was seriously tempted given the volume of our baby’s nighttime cries.
- Everyone says “breast is best,” but no one warned me about the changes my breasts would undergo after two pregnancies and months of breastfeeding. What once was a glorious bosom now resembles a Picasso painting—definitely a bait and switch! And if I reach up high, I can show you where they used to sit before gravity took its toll.
- My feet had their own expansion experience, as I bid farewell to my size nine shoes and welcomed the more spacious size ten. I occasionally try to squeeze into my old favorites, only to have my toes spill over the edges. Sure, I could buy new shoes, but where would I even wear them? I mean, strappy sandals to the playground?
- While it might not be an official medical term, “Momnesia” is real, and I’m dealing with it daily. I can spend thirty-five minutes searching for my bra only to realize I’m already wearing it.
- After becoming a mom, I’ve mastered the art of multitasking. Did you know I can nurse a baby, kick a soccer ball to my son, chat on the phone with my friend, and mentally plan dinner all at once? Right now, I’m even performing open heart surgery while making pancakes for the kids!
The changes I’ve experienced in both my mind and body are staggering, leading me to believe that these little secrets were kept from me so I would actually consider having children. Who would willingly sign up for this chaos?
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Summary:
Navigating the aftermath of pregnancy can be a whirlwind of unexpected challenges, from physical changes to mental shifts. This light-hearted take reflects on the realities many moms face, highlighting everything from laughter-induced accidents to the mysteries of Momnesia. Embracing these side effects while finding humor in the chaos is all part of the journey.