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Parenting
You Know You’re a Parent When… by Emily Carter
Updated: Jan. 20, 2021
Originally Published: Jan. 30, 2015
- Wristbands have taken on a whole new meaning. Once a ticket to nightlife, they now grant access to petting zoos. Just recently, we celebrated a three-year-old’s birthday at one, and it was an absolute blast! Later, my parents asked in disbelief, “Were those wristbands for a party or a petting zoo?!” Yes, you heard right—living it up at the petting zoo!
- Dinner at 5:30 p.m. has become your go-to. Who knew that the hours between 5 and 7 p.m. would be the prime time for family outings at restaurants and retail spots? We’re all about those early dinners, especially when we can share the chaos with friends and their little ones.
- You leave restaurants feeling guilty about the mess. Now, as we speed out of eateries, heads down and avoiding eye contact, I can’t help but feel remorse for the aftermath of smashed crackers and spilled juice. Having worked in restaurants, I know the struggle. The staff must loathe the chaos we leave behind.
- Happy Hour has morphed into Crappy Hour. A clever term I borrowed from a fellow mom at a recent gathering. Can I get an amen for the madness of the 5 to 7 p.m. time frame? Where’s my partner when I need him? And why does bedtime feel like an eternity away? But don’t worry, soon it’ll be time for some well-deserved couch time with ice cream and a good show, even if it feels like forever.
- Your Netflix recommendations are now dominated by kids’ shows. I used to enjoy edgy series like House of Cards and Orange is the New Black, but after countless episodes of Barney, the suggestions have shifted to The Suite Life of Zach and Cody. Netflix clearly knows I’ve traded my cool factor for parenthood.
- You’ve become an expert in finding elevators and ramps. Who knew public places were mandated to have these? Now, thanks to my trusty stroller, I can navigate every department store and mall in Southern California with ease.
- Losing a beloved toy sends you into a panic. Whether at the park or grocery store, if your child’s favorite stuffed animal goes missing, you’re instantly on high alert. For us, “Bobby the Bear” is practically family, and losing him is simply not an option.
- Your home has transformed into a colorful chaos zone. With swings, play mats, and toys scattered everywhere, it’s a wonder how we even navigate through it all. If your house resembles a toy store explosion, we should definitely connect!
- You’ve rediscovered the joy of simple foods. Chicken fingers and grilled cheese sandwiches? Yes, please! And mac ‘n cheese? Don’t get me started! Who knew sharing bites with your little one could be so delicious?
- A trip to the dentist feels like a mini retreat. I used to dread those appointments, but now? With a sitter at home, I relish the 40 minutes of peaceful solitude in the car and an hour of lying still. Pure bliss! If only the hygienist would stop chatting…
- You’ve had a taste of amoxicillin this year. And you might even think it’s surprisingly tasty. Or maybe not…
- You realize that love and frustration can coexist. In the same moment. Kids truly are beautiful little monsters. #blessed #sendhelp
- You find yourself wanting to wake your kids at night. It’s 11 p.m., and all you can think is “I miss her!” Even though it would be utterly ridiculous to do so, the temptation is real. A side effect of parenthood, perhaps?
- You’ve joined a unique club that feels empowering. The camaraderie among parents surpasses that of any sorority. You lock eyes with other moms and dads, and you both know what sleepless nights and diaper disasters feel like. Just remember, steer clear of debates on sleep training or vaccinations!
- You gain a profound appreciation for your own parents. Suddenly, everything they did for you makes total sense. Thank you, Mom and Dad!
A big high five to all the parents out there! (But don’t forget the hand sanitizer first.)
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Summary:
This light-hearted article captures the realities of parenthood, showcasing the amusing and often chaotic moments that come with raising kids. From the transformation of nightlife wristbands to the guilty exits from restaurants, it humorously navigates the ups and downs of being a parent. Expressing love, frustration, and the unique bond shared among parents, it ultimately highlights the profound understanding gained about one’s own upbringing.