Sometimes, it’s the look of exasperation my husband, Mark, gives me that stirs something deep inside. It’s those moments when I feel criticized for my myriad perceived flaws or when his words strike a nerve. Oh, the way he articulates his thoughts can make me want to tear my hair out! At times, it feels like I’m drowning in stress when all I crave is a sense of ease. And when he gets overly enthusiastic relaying a story, missing key details, I’m left bewildered.
Mark and I have been married for nearly nine years, and I’m positive he has his own list of quirks about me that drive him up the wall. Although I could share some, I’ll spare you the lengthy details. But just to be fair, here are a few:
- He can’t stand how I leave my laundry inside out.
- Regarding laundry, I think he wishes I would do it more often.
- He is frustrated that I don’t rinse dishes better before loading them into the dishwasher.
- He often expresses a desire for me to manage money better (he’s not wrong).
- He hopes I could be less sensitive and let things slide occasionally.
- It would mean a lot to him if I pretended to enjoy sports now and then.
- He wishes I spent more time playing outside with our kids.
- He wishes I wasn’t always so drained from Lyme Disease.
Some of these annoyances we share openly, while others are simply accepted as part of being married for almost a decade. A few years back, these minor irritations escalated into deeper grievances, and our once-spacious home began to feel cramped and stifling. It felt as though we were constantly stepping on each other’s toes, and our growing resentments only intensified the divide between us, compounded by our poor communication skills.
Adding two spirited children to the mix of two equally strong-willed adults didn’t help ease our difficulties. Would it have been better if they were little angels? I doubt it.
About two years ago, Mark and I found ourselves contemplating divorce—seriously. We had lawyers, contracts, and all the heavy jargon that comes with splitting up. I even decided to purchase a townhouse, modern and sleek—a stark contrast to our traditional family home, perhaps symbolizing my own subconscious rebellion.
We had deep discussions about how to break the news to the kids, how to divide our assets, and how to maintain a close relationship for co-parenting. It felt surreal, almost like a dream. But just two weeks before the move and right before we were to sign the divorce papers, we both experienced a moment of clarity that made us question everything.
We realized we didn’t truly want to end our marriage; we just needed change. One thought kept echoing in my mind: Mark is my partner, my teammate. He’s the person I turn to when something great happens, and he’s also the one I call when life feels overwhelming. I couldn’t abandon my team like this.
Marriage is a tough journey, no doubt about it. Anyone who claims otherwise either isn’t married or is living in a fantasy. Two individuals come together with unique dreams, personalities, and quirks, and suddenly you’re expected to make it all work seamlessly. Sometimes it doesn’t. It demands constant communication, mutual respect, and quite a bit of compromise—often exhausting.
Looking back at what can frustrate me about Mark, I also recognize why he remains my chosen partner. He has an incredible ability to make me laugh, an authentic love for our family, and loyalty to his friends that mirrors brotherhood. I admire his passion, even for sports. He refuses to let me dwell in sadness and is an amazing father. When I allow him to shine, he is a wonderful husband. Plus, he always tells me my hair looks nice, even when it doesn’t. That’s just plain nice, right?
Every day we show up for each other, and with each passing day, we learn more about why we chose to be on this journey together. There are days we work in perfect harmony, and days we clash like thunder. Yet, every day I acknowledge that Mark is the person I need right now, and I’m committed to being there for him too.
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Summary
This heartfelt reflection delves into the challenges of marriage, highlighting the struggles and the love that binds two people together. Despite frustrations and misunderstandings, the author emphasizes the importance of partnership, communication, and commitment in overcoming difficulties.