In recent times, I’ve come across countless articles about what new mothers need, often adorned with picturesque images of care packages filled with everything from soothing balms to adorable baby foot sculptures. As someone who welcomed a baby a year ago, I can’t help but feel these portrayals miss the mark.
After my little one arrived, I didn’t crave any of those fancy gifts. In fact, most items I actually wanted were already purchased during those long, tedious weeks leading up to the birth. So if you’re planning to visit a new mom, here are the commandments you should follow. She may never voice them, but trust me, they’re what she truly desires.
- Thou Shalt Bring Food. If I’m fortunate to have a supportive community that’s organized meal deliveries, that’s wonderful. However, you can still bring food because I am starving. I just completed a marathon of labor, and the fatigue is just beginning. If you know I’m getting dinners, think breakfast, lunch, or even snacks like muddy buddies. Don’t assume I’m on a diet.
- Thou Shalt Compliment My Appearance. I know I might look like a zombie, so please, lie to me and say I look radiant. It’ll take some effort, but I’d appreciate any sincere compliment that can help me fight the self-doubt I feel when glancing in the mirror at my post-baby body.
- Thou Shalt Entertain My Older Kids. The last thing I want is my energetic toddlers running around my newborn. They mean well, but let’s be honest, kids are like little germ factories. I love them dearly, but a little break while I enjoy my new baby’s head scent and some snacks would be splendid.
- Thou Shalt Clean Up. Don’t ask how you can assist. Just dive in! Tackle the dishes, straighten up the living room, or even make the bed. Laundry? Maybe skip that; we’re friends, but my unmentionables are off-limits!
- Thou Shalt Follow My Lead on Birth Stories. I might be tired of recounting my delivery saga or might feel like a champion deserving of a medal. Either way, just ask, “How did it go?” and follow my lead. If I start sharing, be ready to be amazed by my incredible journey.
- Thou Shalt Not Compete with My Birth Story. I don’t want to hear about your cousin’s friend who had a more dramatic birth. Today, my story takes the spotlight. No matter how challenging childbirth can be, this moment is about my experience.
- Thou Shalt Not Judge My Birth Choices. I might feel a bit sensitive about my delivery method. If I had a C-section and you went natural, I might think you’re judging me. Please assure me I made the right choice. Your kind words can make a world of difference.
- Thou Shalt Not Critique My Parenting Decisions. Visitors typically don’t come to offer snarky remarks, but new moms are hyper-aware of any judgment. Whether it’s about co-sleeping, feeding, or other choices, unless the baby is in danger, it’s really none of your business. Watch your expressions; they can say a lot!
- Thou Shalt Offer Advice Only When Invited. You might have extensive experience, but I’m the expert on my baby. Unsolicited advice can make me feel inadequate. However, if I ask, please share your wisdom; I’m totally open to it!
- Thou Shalt Respect My Space and Time. I’ll determine when the new mom treatment is over. If you think two weeks is enough to bounce back, you’re mistaken. The first year with a baby is a rollercoaster. Support and patience are vital, as I navigate this beautiful chaos.
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Summary: Visiting a new mom can be daunting, but following these ten simple commandments can create a supportive environment. From bringing food and compliments to respecting her parenting choices and time, your thoughtful actions will be greatly appreciated.