A few hours later, I learned that my daughter’s recent dental issue was stress-induced: a term I had never encountered before, but apparently, it’s quite common among stressed-out teens. Our family dentist, who performed a quick procedure, seemed unfazed by the situation, while I was in a state of panic. As we waited for her treatment, my daughter looked at me and asked, “Did you see the email about PupilPath?”
“What’s PupilPath?” I replied, mishearing her question.
“Not PupilPath. PupilPath,” she chuckled. “Wow, I can’t believe you’ve been at this school for four years and still don’t know what it is. You’re so out of touch!”
“Is that the online portal where we can check your grades?”
“Exactly!” she exclaimed, rolling her eyes. “You really need to get with the program.”
“Well, I don’t want to,” I declared. “I just don’t care enough to check.”
PupilPath, which I had to Google to spell correctly, is the digital space where my daughter’s grades are tracked, and I have no intention of logging in. At any moment, both students and parents can access the site to see grades updated to the tiniest decimal. I vaguely remember receiving an email about it when my daughter started high school, but I dismissed it right away. Why would I want a constant update on her grades? It’s not like checking a sports game score!
Honestly, I couldn’t care less about the daily fluctuations in my daughter’s grades, just as I wouldn’t obsess over my Amazon sales rank or the ups and downs of my retirement funds.
Some parents argue that keeping tabs on their children’s grades helps them guide their kids toward improvement. But to that, I say: Seriously? If you’re doing their work for them, how can they learn to succeed or fail based on their own efforts? I assure you, my generation made it through high school without having an hourly update on grades, and it was far less stressful. Stress, as many studies show, can be detrimental to both our health and well-being.
When my father was battling pancreatic cancer during the 2008 financial crisis, I had to tell him to stop obsessively checking his stock portfolio. “It’s not good for your health!” I insisted. I didn’t need a medical degree to see how his anxiety amplified every time he looked at his investments. The reality was that none of it would matter once he was gone.
He understood that continuously monitoring those figures was ruining his remaining days, and I get it now. When my first book launched and online rankings became readily available, I found myself checking my Amazon position after each stop on my book tour. I visited 12 cities, but all I remember is watching that number fluctuate. I regret that obsession.
As parents, we have strayed far from what’s truly important. How did we end up in an educational era where we focus more on tracking grades than engaging in meaningful conversations about what our children are learning?
Take the case of PupilPath: just weeks before exams, my daughter told me that grades of 90 or above showed up as blue with gold stars, while grades between 80 and 90 appeared in green. Then someone in the administration decided to change this system, so now only grades of 98 and above are blue. Can you believe the panic this caused among parents? They demanded their children raise their grades from green to blue, despite the fact that the grades themselves hadn’t changed—only the color did!
Students even took to anonymous confession pages to express their frustrations. One student lamented, “Those stars are the only thing that makes me feel accomplished. I know it sounds silly, but even small changes can have a big impact.” Reading that made me want to cry. We have so lost perspective that nearly half the student body at my daughter’s school—over 1,700 students—signed a petition to reinstate the previous color-coding system. Imagine if all that energy had been redirected toward reading great literature or tackling complex math problems. What a better use of their time!
This obsession with color-coding and constant grade checking has consequences that go beyond a simple dental bill. We have sacrificed our peace of mind, our children’s focus, and a sense of balance in the pursuit of control that real-time online data provides.
Go ahead, call me out for being out of touch. I’ll be in my room enjoying a good book or creating some art, or outside in nature appreciating the wonders of life—those are the rewards I cherish most now that I understand what truly matters.
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In summary, the relentless pursuit of monitoring children’s grades can lead to unnecessary stress, detracting from the joy of learning and meaningful experiences. Instead of fixating on numbers, let’s prioritize discussions about education and personal growth.