I want you to know how much I cherish each of you, and it pains me to see the trolls online who throw shade your way. Their negativity says more about them than it ever could about you. So let’s have a heart-to-heart, shall we?
Mia
First off, Mia, your boldness in embracing your body is a beautiful thing. Please continue to celebrate your nudity! Forget the naysayers; I’ll be right there to defend you if you need me.
Clara
And then there’s you, Clara. I can’t say I’m shocked by the sensational kitchen scene you created. It was definitely a moment to remember! But what I really want to know is—did you genuinely enjoy it? Sure, it looked wild and fun, but were you really into it? It seems like you often prioritize pleasing others over your own pleasure.
When you were with Jake, using him as a source of comfort (his own words), it felt like you were at least doing it on your own terms. Sure, it was a distraction from the chaos of your twenties, but I hope you’re prioritizing your own satisfaction. Remember, I’m talking about the kind of satisfaction that leaves you breathless!
Sophie
And Sophie, I know the job search can feel endless right now, but don’t lose hope. I admire that you decided to focus on your romantic escapades last season, even if studies took a backseat. Sometimes, we just have to embrace the chaos—believe me, I’ve been there! I once flunked a class because I was too busy enjoying life with my boyfriend.
Lucy
Oh, and Lucy, it seems you’ve really gone down a dark path lately. Your recent behavior is concerning, especially when you used that poor girl just to fuel your own self-destructive tendencies. My advice? Turn your focus inward. Indulge in self-love and self-pleasure. If you don’t have a reliable vibrator, I’d be more than happy to send you a little care package.
Back to Mia
Now back to you, Mia. I know you’re heartbroken since (spoiler alert!) Adam chose someone else. It feels like the end of the world, but I promise you, it’s just a chapter. There will be more love interests ahead, even though I must admit, I liked Adam for you (minus the awkward shower incident).
You two had a lot of fun, but I often wondered if you were truly present during those intimate moments. Sometimes, it felt like your mind was elsewhere, crafting texts instead of enjoying the experience. Relationships often involve a balance of giving and receiving pleasure, but were you really craving him?
The most passionate connection you had was with that charming doctor in his stunning brownstone. You let him take care of you, and that’s what I wish for all of you—true ecstasy. Learn what it means to embrace your pleasure and take it seriously. Mia, now that you’re single, why not explore something like an Orgasmic Meditation workshop?
Breaking the Cycle
We Gen-Xers made our fair share of mistakes in our youth. We often engaged in performative intimacy, shaped by a culture that taught us to despise our bodies and prioritize others’ desires. We sought validation rather than learning what it means to genuinely want. Let’s break that cycle early, shall we?
So, let’s aim to close the orgasm gap by the end of this season!
With all my love,
Your Cool Aunt