Updated: August 3, 2016 | Originally Published: February 24, 2015
In a whirlwind of my busy life as a single working mom, I devoted 12 hours to a cinematic masterpiece that was surprisingly transformative. The film, a narrative woven with depth and artistry, became a vital tool for discussing the complexities of divorce with my kids. I would gladly watch it again.
The first time I experienced it was on a date with my first post-separation companion, a gentle spirit who helped pick up the pieces of my life after a painful split. Our relationship, though fleeting—lasting just nine months—served as a bridge for healing. It reminded me of the dynamic between Olivia (played by a phenomenal Patricia Arquette) and her new partner at the start of the film, though devoid of the tumult and chaos.
The second viewing was shared with my eldest child, Jake, after his first year in college. Our relationship had been strained since my divorce, with Jake distancing himself during the most painful months. The reasons behind our split were intricate and deeply personal, making them difficult to articulate. Thankfully, the film offered us a gateway into a conversation that had seemed impossible. Art became our lifeline, opening the lines of communication at a time when I desperately needed it.
Our discussion over nachos and drinks following the movie was a breakthrough I had silently hoped for. Although it was a challenging conversation, it was essential. Instead of delving into the rawness of our own family’s issues, we analyzed the struggles of Olivia and Mason Sr. (Ethan Hawke), which, surprisingly, mirrored our own. This approach allowed us to explore Jake’s feelings through the lens of Mason Jr. (Ellar Coltrane), who was just nine months younger than him. Their shared experiences—everything from Game Boys and Harry Potter releases to the music trends of their childhood—created a familiar backdrop for our discussion.
The third time I watched the film was out of a need for catharsis. Alone, I prepared to confront the emotional weight it carried. At that point, I was facing financial struggles and the reality of moving my kids into a smaller apartment on the comically named Seaman Avenue. My daughter, Lily, was understandably upset. I found myself apologizing repeatedly, wishing I could shield them from our situation.
However, the film presented a different perspective. Olivia also had to uproot her kids from their home, and instead of wallowing in guilt, she tackled the situation with a grim humor that I aspired to emulate. “Samantha,” she tells her daughter, “why don’t you say goodbye to that little horseshit attitude, okay, because we’re not taking that in the car.” I realized I needed to stop treating my children like fragile beings. While divorce was undeniably painful, I recognized that exposing them to a bit of humor could foster resilience.
My fourth viewing took place at home with an Oscar screener. My 17-year-old daughter, Lily, and my 8-year-old son, Max, were curious about the film. As I braced myself for the emotional climax, I hoped to keep my composure for their sake. But as Olivia reflects on her life’s milestones, the tears flowed more freely than they had before. I understood then that attempting to shield my children from pain was misguided; they could sense when I was being disingenuous. While they would have preferred a united family, it was crucial for me to express that sorrow in front of them.
As my children nestled beside me, the moment felt poignant yet lightened by Lily’s teasing, “Oh my God, Mom, you’ve seen this four times! You’re totally pathetic.” I accepted her playful jab, recognizing that even in the face of sadness, the beauty of art and life is irreplaceable.
In conclusion, the film served not only as a mirror to our lives but as a bridge to deeper connections and understanding within my family. It taught me that vulnerability can strengthen bonds, and that even amidst turmoil, laughter can pave the way to resilience.
For those navigating similar journeys, resources like Mount Sinai’s infertility resources and sites like Make a Mom can offer valuable insights and support. And for more information on home insemination, check out this insightful article.