When it comes to maintaining a strict bedtime routine, I have to admit that I’m not the most disciplined parent. In other words, I tend to be a bit lenient. The 15-minute pleas for just a little more time, or the last-minute requests for a glass of water, are often hard to resist. And when my child begs for “just one more story,” I usually give in. Perhaps if I weren’t co-parenting, I’d have a firmer stance, but I doubt it.
My son, Max, usually spends two to three nights a week at my place, and I treasure those moments together. While there are certainly challenges—like his ongoing refusal to brush his teeth or his reluctance to get out of bed—my experiences with him remind me of my own childhood at that age. I just roll with it.
When Max is with his other parent, however, the bedtime routine shifts a bit. Five years ago, when I entered the world of co-parenting, I made a promise: my son would hear “I love you” from me every single day, regardless of where I was or what I was doing. I thought it was essential for him to hear my voice. Some might argue that it was more for my own peace of mind, but it was a commitment I made.
Back then, I was still using a Blackberry, and Max was only four. Our daily check-ins were simple phone calls, as he wasn’t particularly fond of talking on the phone. We aimed to have our conversations at a time that wouldn’t remind him of our separation right before bed.
Fast forward to today, and technology has changed everything. Just last weekend, after a long day that included 120 miles of driving and a tire blowout, I settled in to enjoy a movie night. Then my phone buzzed—it was Max, FaceTiming from his tablet at his mom’s house. Naturally, I answered. He just wanted to say hi, so I paused my movie and got cozy on the couch for what I thought would be a quick virtual tuck-in.
After a delightful 20-minute chat where he showed me his new toys, I reminded him it was time to get ready for bed. His mom echoed my sentiment from the other room. But then he called me back, now snuggled in his bed but still not ready to sleep. This back-and-forth continued for another 10 minutes, and I couldn’t help but smile. Part of me felt guilty for wanting to wrap things up so I could go back to my movie, but the other part cherished those moments of connection.
As I finally hit play again, I found myself feeling a bit frustrated. It was late, and I wanted him to sleep so I could unwind myself. I realized that my instinct to indulge his requests was partly because of the nature of our communication. Text and video calls create a lasting record of each interaction, making it harder for me to assert boundaries.
Being firm about bedtime is challenging enough when we’re together, but the distance complicates things. I pondered at what point my desire to shield him from our separation became more about logistics than parenting. After all, bedtime is universal, regardless of family dynamics.
If you’re navigating similar experiences, you might find useful insights on home insemination and parenting through resources like Make a Mom and WebMD for comprehensive guides on family planning. As for me, I’ll keep trying to balance bedtime routines with the inevitable pull of technology and connection.
Summary
Navigating bedtime routines while co-parenting can be a delicate balance, especially when technology allows for virtual goodnights. Emphasizing daily affirmations of love remains crucial, even amidst the challenges of separation. Learning to set boundaries while maintaining a connection through video calls is an ongoing journey for many parents.