Why I Don’t See My Cancer as Unfair

self insemination kit

It all started when I found a lump. At first, I wasn’t worried. After all, I had a cyst in the same area last year, and it turned out to be completely harmless. I called my doctor, made an appointment, and met with a nurse practitioner at my OBGYN’s office. She examined the lump and suggested it felt similar to my previous cyst. She recommended a wait-and-see approach of 3-6 months. However, I was not comfortable with that and insisted on getting an ultrasound. Thank goodness I did.

The ultrasound revealed two areas of concern, prompting a biopsy. The procedure was a bit uncomfortable, as they struggled to numb the area properly, and I could actually feel the needle. Afterward, I was reassured that 90% of lumps biopsied in women my age are benign. Joel, my partner, and I felt a wave of relief wash over us.

The following day, while out shopping, I received a phone call that would change everything. One of the spots was indeed benign, but the other was diagnosed as invasive ductal carcinoma. That day was the day before Thanksgiving, a moment I will never forget. Joel and I held each other tightly, absorbing the devastating news. I called my mom to share the news, feeling a wave of guilt for bringing such sorrow to my family. My dad came to pick up our kids so they wouldn’t witness our heartache. Joel and I cried together, and I made a promise to him that I wouldn’t leave his side.

Sure, I’ve had moments of “this isn’t fair.” But deep down, I know it really is. My life has been filled with countless blessings. I grew up in a loving family with parents who prioritized my brother and me above all else. They are generous, humorous, and always know just what to say when I need it most. I’ve never faced a need that wasn’t met. I received a wonderful education and had every opportunity to learn and grow. I’ve traveled the world, forged connections with people from diverse backgrounds, and have been loved unconditionally. I fell in love with my soulmate and have a job that I’m passionate about, one I’d gladly do even without pay. I see light where others might see darkness, and I feel happiness almost all the time. I dream big and embrace risks. I’ve run marathons and penned poems that make my heart swell with pride. I live in a home that feels just right, with neighbors who share wine and laughter, and friends who remind me to embrace my silly side. Most importantly, I’ve been blessed with two incredible boys who fill my life with joy and love every single day. My life has been amazing.

My work with at-risk youth has given me a unique perspective on what truly constitutes unfairness. It’s unfair to be judged based on skin color, appearance, or sexual orientation. It’s unfair to endure abuse or to go hungry. I know what unfairness looks like.

Having cancer is undeniably tough and can feel incredibly unfair. But I refuse to label it as such. It’s just a part of life—my life. I am equipped to face this challenge: I have access to excellent medical care, a strong support system, health insurance, and an unwavering determination to overcome it. And I will.

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Summary:

In the face of a cancer diagnosis, I reflect on my life’s blessings and find that while the situation is tough, it is not unfair. My supportive family, fulfilling job, and the joy my children bring me contribute to my strength as I navigate this journey. I recognize true unfairness in the world, and I am ready to fight with the resources and love surrounding me.