In a world that often feels complicated, I find solace in the innocence of childhood. I watch my daughter, Lily, and her friend Mia as they playfully style each other’s hair. They are just 8 and 9 years old, blissfully unaware that their delightful game of “salon” serves as a foundation for understanding beauty. To them, it’s simply a sleepover tradition—no rivalry, no judgments. Their laughter fills the air, and even when they bicker, they quickly make amends.
Yet, as I observe this sweet moment, my mind drifts to my role as a counselor. I imagine Lily and Mia five years from now, sitting in my office, feeling lost and anxious. I picture them navigating the harsh realities of teenage life—scared to step into the hallways, feeling isolated and ashamed, silently pleading for help to find their place in a world that can be so unforgiving.
I momentarily escape that daunting future and return to the scene unfolding before me. Here, in this innocent bubble, there’s no fear or insecurity. Lily and Mia don’t question their friendship; they feel safe to express their thoughts without fear of backlash. They trust each other completely.
These girls uplift one another, showering compliments instead of criticism. They are blissfully ignorant of social media pressures like Snapchat or Instagram. They don’t engage in the harmful behavior of retweeting hurtful posts or know what “backstabbing” truly means. They haven’t felt the sting of rumors spreading like wildfire or the temptation to harm themselves in moments of despair. Concepts like suicide are foreign to them, as are feelings of worthlessness. They still believe their bodies are their own and that they have the power to set boundaries. Their self-worth is intact; they know how to assert themselves and ask for what they need. Their mantra rings clear: I am a girl. I am smart and strong. I can achieve anything.
As I work with teenage girls, I often envision Lily. Over the past 15 years, I’ve encountered so many girls who remind me of her. I strive to help them recognize their beauty and value. I sit closely with them, hoping they can see themselves as I do—flawed yet perfect in their uniqueness.
I often wonder when this self-doubt begins to creep in. When do they start to question their worth and internalize the negative words of others? On difficult days, I extend my hand, reminding them that I don’t have all the answers. Sometimes we simply sit in silence, aware that the damage has been done. It’s in these moments that they must rediscover their inner strength—remembering what it was like to be a carefree 8-year-old, brushing a friend’s hair. They must trust that genuine friendships still exist and believe they are enough.
Tonight, as I write this, I hear the muffled giggles of Lily and Mia in the next room, sharing secrets under a blanket fort. I sneak a peek through the door and see the glow of a flashlight illuminating their faces. They’re writing in a diary, expressing a world where girls are strong, kind, and confident. Their words restore my hope for the future we can create for our daughters.
I’m not sure if the words I see are fresh or from their earlier writings, but I jot them down. They are simple yet profound, deserving to be shared. I know exactly who needs to hear them: the girl sitting across from me, who has lost her sense of self. “I am a girl. I am silly, smart, good at ballet, and a loyal friend. I have a kind smile. I like myself,” she reads aloud. For the first time in a while, I see a smile break through her tears. “I want to feel like that again,” she whispers.
There it is—hope.
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Summary
This heartfelt reflection emphasizes the importance of nurturing a supportive environment for girls as they transition into their teenage years. By cherishing the innocence of childhood friendships, we can help them retain their self-worth, confidence, and sense of belonging. With open communication and encouragement, we can guide them through the challenges of adolescence while reminding them of their strength and beauty.