After my mother spent three weeks in a rehabilitation facility in Florida due to an injury, I was left feeling deeply unsettled. The facility resembled a long, low concrete structure reminiscent of barracks, and my mother’s roommate, who suffered from Alzheimer’s, was often heard moaning in distress. My mother frequently struggled to get assistance for simple needs like using the bathroom or getting a drink of water. At times, she resorted to using her cellphone to reach the front desk, but often, she simply waited in frustration for my dad or me to arrive.
During one of my visits, I witnessed the nurse providing pain medication in only half the prescribed amount, raising concerns about the staff’s integrity. The entire experience was disheartening, prompting my mother to express a desire to avoid such facilities at all costs. This leaves me, as an only child, in a rather daunting position. While my parents are managing for now, their health remains a constant concern. I live eight hours away, don’t drive, and am the primary caregiver for my two young children. Every day, I ponder what we will do when their care needs escalate.
This predicament echoes themes from Ai-jen Poo’s insightful book, The Age of Dignity: Preparing for the Elder Boom in a Changing America. Poo, the director of the Domestic Workers Alliance, brings attention to the impending eldercare crisis as a significant portion of the population ages. By 2020, one-sixth of Americans will be over 65, and in the next two decades, that number will swell from 40 million to 70 million. The big question remains: who will assist them with daily tasks, from chores to personal care, and eventually, skilled nursing services?
Traditionally, the burden of care has fallen on women, but with many now in the workforce, providing the necessary daily support for aging relatives has become increasingly challenging. A friend of mine, who also has young children, works full-time and spends her weekends traveling two hours to care for her elderly mother. She cleans, prepares meals, and even helps with bathing, all while feeling overwhelmed. She recently removed the knobs from her mother’s stove after a dishtowel caught fire, highlighting the risky nature of her mother’s living situation. “She’s not ready for a nursing home, but she shouldn’t be living alone,” my friend shared, illustrating the tightrope many walk between care and personal life.
I anticipated that The Age of Dignity would highlight the issues without providing solutions, but I was pleasantly surprised. Poo offers several practical ideas, including “time banks” where caregivers can log hours caring for local elders and redeem them for help with their own parents. However, her most radical proposal is a public-works initiative on par with historical investments like the interstate highway system or the creation of the internet. She argues that such investments not only transform lives but also bolster the economy.
Critics might argue that these investments need to yield tangible results, but Poo compellingly notes that proper caregiving can be both cost-effective and create jobs—benefits that can appeal across the political spectrum. The fear of inadequate elder care is universal, as many face the uncertain future of their parents and themselves. It’s no secret that without substantial financial resources, finding quality, community-based care is a daunting challenge—unlike the assurances many receive in countries like Germany or Japan.
Poo emphasizes that addressing these issues starts with political will. She likens it to getting couples to dance: it takes one brave couple to take the first step, encouraging others to join in. Aging should be seen as a blessing, not a source of anxiety.
In summary, caring for aging parents as an only child can feel overwhelming, but resources and solutions are available. By advocating for systemic change and community support, we can work towards a more dignified experience for our elders. For those interested in further information about reproductive health and family planning, consider exploring our other blogs, such as this insightful post or checking out Make a Mom’s at-home insemination kit, which provides valuable resources on home insemination. Additionally, for more information on fertility and pregnancy, Cleveland Clinic’s podcast is an excellent resource.