Parenting
By Jamie Collins
Updated: August 8, 2016
Originally Published: March 5, 2015
I was completely taken aback during my recent visit to a charming optometrist’s office. I discovered I needed glasses for the first time in my 30-something years, all while my well-behaved newly six-year-old was asking for help with her Lego creations in the kids’ area.
Then you popped the question: “Oh, is she your only one?” (Cue the awkward pause.)
“Yep. Unless you count my husband, who sometimes acts just as childish.”
“Wow, what are you waiting for? She needs a sibling!”
Alright, listen up. Yes, you over there, and you too. Want to know why I’m not planning on having another child? Or why I can’t? Because I nearly lost my life during her birth. If I were to put my fragile heart under that kind of stress again, it could lead to severe complications for both me and a potential baby. We could lose one (or both) of our lives, and my daughter would end up without a mother in addition to a sibling. So, umm, that’s my reason.
I’ve rehearsed that speech multiple times since 2008. Not for auditions, mind you—just for people who don’t seem to understand.
Next, I found myself at a nail salon. Yes, I admit, it was a bit selfish to go while my little one was at school.
“You have kids?” you asked.
“I have a six-year-old.”
“No more? Why not?!”
Because… seriously, shut it.
What if I had another child and faced a tragedy? (I know a wonderful family who suffered this, and I can’t fathom their heartache when faced with such questions.)
And here we go again. I’m at a party for my daughter’s six-year-old friends. Twenty-six sugar-fueled kids bouncing off the walls.
You try to make conversation, I get it.
“She’s your only one?” you inquire. “No siblings?”
Did you ever think about how many women struggle with conception, maintaining health, and carrying a baby to term before acting so interested in my reproductive choices?
What if we encountered unexpected financial struggles and lost most of what we owned while raising our one-year-old in chaos? Perhaps it’s wiser to avoid digging ourselves deeper into financial and emotional turmoil, saving thousands by not having another child!
Oh, right—she needs a playmate. You mentioned it, didn’t you?
So, still here, dear? Want to know how I nearly lost my life giving birth? I was a mere 105 pounds at seven months pregnant, in pre-term labor, and was given way too much terbutaline, far too many times. Next thing you know, I’m in code blue at the hospital, and they had to revive me. Permanent heart valve damage and ongoing heart issues followed. So, no, it wouldn’t be wise for me to risk my health for another sibling when my heart’s already been through the wringer.
That’s my reason.
If you’re interested in learning more about fertility and the various paths to parenthood, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. And for those considering alternative methods, you can find helpful information about home insemination kits here.
In summary, please think before you ask someone about their family planning. Everyone has their own story, and the decision to have more children is deeply personal—sometimes even complicated!