10 Tips for Being the Daughter-in-Law Your Mother-in-Law Will Appreciate

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Dear Future Daughter-in-Law,

Navigating the relationship with your mother-in-law (MIL) can sometimes feel challenging. I’ve seen countless lists of advice on how mothers-in-law should behave, but let’s turn the tables a bit. Here are some essential tips you might want to consider to foster a positive relationship with me.

1. Please don’t extend an invitation for me to visit anytime, then proceed to vent online about how I’m “always at your house.” If you mean it, then say it! I never thought I’d need to schedule visits with my own child and grandchildren, but if that’s what it takes to keep the peace, I’ll gladly comply. I understand that unexpected visits can be inconvenient, but I also notice my calls often go unanswered.

2. Pick up the phone when I call. I promise I’m not a telemarketer trying to sell you anything! I’m your spouse’s mother and a grandmother who deserves a little respect. A simple “I can’t talk right now” would suffice.

3. While I love spending time with my grandchildren, I also have my own life. If you need childcare, please ask with plenty of notice. This way, I can rearrange my plans and ensure I’m prepared. Just as I respect your time, I’d appreciate the same courtesy in return.

4. If you have concerns or issues with me, please address them directly, rather than talking about me behind my back. I’m sure my child would appreciate not being caught in the middle of any tension.

5. Passive-aggressive comments don’t help anyone. Complimenting my home while criticizing your own cleaning habits isn’t constructive. My clean house doesn’t reflect poorly on your choices as a parent; it’s simply a reflection of my own situation.

6. Gift-giving can be tricky. If you choose to buy me clothes or home decor, please consider my style. Gift cards or handmade items from the kids work beautifully!

7. Allow me the freedom to spend my money as I see fit. If I want to shower my grandchildren with gifts, it’s out of love, not a challenge to your financial situation.

8. I want my children to be happy in their marriages, but remember that I am their mother, and I will always be here, regardless of the circumstances.

9. Speaking of which, I raised a wonderful child whom you chose to marry and share a family with! While I may not be familiar with all the latest parenting trends, my experience counts for something. Listening to my insights might be beneficial.

10. I’m not here to control or judge you, although I may form opinions from time to time. My ultimate goal is to see my child and grandchildren thrive. Remember, your spouse has many roles in his life, and sharing him with family is part of the journey. Learning to embrace this sharing can only strengthen our bond.

How about I take care of the kids this weekend to give you both a little time out? Just promise me you won’t spend the evening complaining about me!

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Summary

Building a positive relationship with your mother-in-law involves open communication, respect for each other’s lives, and understanding the dynamics of family. By being proactive and considerate, you can foster a harmonious connection.