Each week, at least one of you reaches out for an early pickup from school. The excuses range from feeling unwell to simply wishing to escape your day. While I’ve clearly laid out the criteria that warrant an early departure, it seems the message hasn’t quite hit home.
To clarify, I’ve compiled a guide to help you understand what qualifies for an early pickup. Please take note:
- Blood – I’m talking about a serious amount of blood here, like a scene from a horror movie. If a couple of band-aids could fix it, don’t bother calling. You’ll need to be in an ambulance for me to come get you; I’ll meet you at the ER.
- Cuts – These need to be serious. If something is still stuck in you, like a piece of metal, then we can talk. A pencil doesn’t count, so if you’re not impaled by something larger than your fist, stay put!
- Vomiting – If you’re covered in it or have made a mess in front of an adult, then I might consider coming. But remember, I’ve told you to use the toilet at home. Any whispers of feeling sick won’t cut it.
- Headaches – Only if your head is literally split in two or has a nail sticking out of it will I come to get you. Otherwise, you’re staying put.
- Injuries – Please refrain from calling about minor aches and pains. I’ll send my prayers, but that’s it. If a bone is protruding through your skin, then we can discuss an early pickup.
- Earaches – Not a chance.
- Forgotten Lunch – You’ll have to make do with what’s available at school. I can’t drop off your lunch, no matter how much you love pickles and broccoli. Remember to pack your things next time!
- Stomach Aches – I’m not coming for something you can’t visibly prove, like a temperature of 100 degrees. If I can’t see it, you’re out of luck.
- Sore Throat – Grab some water and get back to class.
- Bug Bites – Unless you’re swelling up to three times your size, don’t bother me with itchiness. Mark your bites and move on like everyone else has for centuries.
You might not realize it, but while you’re at school, I’m busy with my own activities (like naps and catching up on shows). So, enjoy your time at school! I’ll see you at regular pickup time, no exceptions.
With love,
Mom