Recently, a well-known designer made headlines by referring to babies conceived through IVF for same-sex couples as “synthetic.” While I’m not an expert in reproductive methods like those designers, here’s a light-hearted look at how you might identify a so-called synthetic child versus a “real” one:
1. They Nap on Cue
Imagine your synthetic child drifting off to sleep at the snap of your fingers! These little ones not only sleep when you want them to, but they also remain peacefully in bed until your alarm rings. Contrast that with a “real” child, who’s likely to request just “one more story” or “another sip of water” before insistently reappearing in your bed at 2 AM.
2. No Bodily Fluids
Real kids are notorious for their propensity to create messes involving a myriad of fluids. A day without a spill or a mess is a rare gem. In contrast, synthetic children are remarkable in that they produce no pee, poop, or any other fluid. Keep your eyes peeled for these rare specimens.
3. Cruciferous Vegetable Lovers
Want to test if a child is synthetic? Present a piece of raw cauliflower. If they munch it down happily, asking for more, you may be onto something. Synthetic children have been known to relish broccoli, brussels sprouts, and kale without any fuss during meal times—no fake gagging or requests for ketchup here!
4. Impeccable Behavior
Synthetic kids are the epitome of good behavior. They never throw tantrums in public, and when it’s time to leave the toy aisle, they shrug and say, “Okay, let’s go!” They even insist on their car seat being tightened for safety. In stark contrast, “real” children tend to leave toys strewn everywhere and find creative ways to color your furniture.
5. Obsessed with Oral Hygiene
A synthetic child takes dental care seriously. They will often inquire about the last time they brushed their teeth and use floss as directed—rather than as a tool for hanging toys. When you remind them to brush before bed, they respond with eagerness, not disgust.
6. Mess-Free Playtime
While a “real” child’s playtime might involve a chaotic mess, a synthetic child plays quietly with their educational toys, returning them neatly to their place after play. They even offer to share with siblings, showcasing their impeccable manners.
Unless all these traits are present, it’s safe to assume that you’re dealing with a “real” child. So, next time you’re tempted to inquire about a child’s conception method, remember it’s likely irrelevant to the busy parent juggling spills, tantrums, and LEGO injuries. For more insights into pregnancy and parenting, you might want to check out this excellent resource on fertility here.
For additional information on fertility, consider visiting this site for helpful resources, and don’t forget to review our privacy policy for more details.
Summary
This article humorously outlines the whimsical differences between synthetic and “real” children, from sleeping habits to dietary preferences. It serves as a light-hearted reminder of the joys and challenges of parenting, and emphasizes the importance of focusing on the real experiences of raising children.