According to the ever-reliable Urban Dictionary, the phrase “I can’t even” stands alone as a complete thought. If you want to add a flair of drama, you might say someone literally can’t even.
If we were to analyze the reasons behind this inexplicable inability to “even,” we’d likely find it’s akin to a chemical reaction in the brain triggered by overwhelming feelings. So intense that it leaves you a bit dazed—so dazed that you can’t quite finish your sentences. This phenomenon closely resembles what happens when you become a mom. Your verbal abilities may diminish, and it’s not just sentences that you can’t complete. You know you’ve officially entered mom territory when you find yourself consulting Urban Dictionary to decode conversations with anyone younger than 20.
In the real world, there are tangible moments that will leave you saying you just can’t even, no matter how you slice it. So, let’s break it down in a totally unorganized list of real-life challenges brought on by parenthood:
- I can’t even vent my frustrations while driving without censoring myself. If I call a reckless driver a “doo-doo head,” it just doesn’t have the same effect as yelling at the jerk who cut me off. My little one’s ears keep my expletives in check, and I do miss a little four-letter word therapy from time to time.
- I can’t even listen to my go-to music stations while driving. Sorry, Mr. Zach de la Rocha, but my daughter isn’t ready to hear about your past exploits. It turns out that some of my favorite lyrics are suddenly a bit too intense for family car rides. I catch myself recalling why my parents always preferred those mellow stations—like the Blend, aka: the snooze fest. Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy a range of music, but there are days when I want to blast the latest Pitbull anthem and I just… can’t… even.
- I can’t even sit down for a meal without interruptions. I’m convinced that when my time comes, it’ll be due to choking on my hastily chewed food. It’s a race against the clock, and I often find myself inhaling my meals in less than three minutes.
- I can’t even leave the house on time. Murphy’s Law reigns supreme. If something can derail my plans, it will—usually just after I’ve made it to the door and realized a diaper change is necessary.
- I can’t even recall the last time I watched an adult show from start to finish. Those carefree days of binge-watching are long gone, replaced by the reality of parenting, where every moment is precious.
- I can’t even read the news without spiraling into anxiety. Motherhood seems to unleash a torrent of worries, from hypochondria to insomnia. Who knew that having a child would come with an added layer of anxiety?
- I can’t even remember the pain of labor. This selective amnesia puts me at risk of considering the whole experience again. Is this a symptom of some sort of mom-brain dementia? Someone send help!
- I can’t even stay awake past 9 p.m. Seriously, writing this is a challenge! The days of spontaneous outings at night have been replaced by a solid bedtime routine—9 p.m. is now the new cool.
- I can’t even enjoy bathroom breaks in peace. Somewhere along the way, “taking a quick break” transformed into a frantic race against time, hoping to get my pants back up before an unexpected visitor barges in. It’s a level of stress I haven’t felt since my teenage years.
In fact, I can’t even do much of anything without a little chaos. Those blissful quiet moments before the whirlwind of motherhood are long gone. But you know what? I wouldn’t trade it for the world. That little girl is a bundle of joy, making every day a treasure. Plus, who doesn’t enjoy a good potty party?
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Summary:
Parenthood is a rollercoaster of emotions that often leaves you feeling overwhelmed and unable to handle even the simplest tasks. From navigating road rage to enjoying a peaceful meal, the challenges of being a mom are real but ultimately rewarding.