It’s been eight weeks since my partner, Alex, and I brought our newest little addition into the world. As our fourth child, this timeframe has allowed us to step out of the newborn haze and immerse ourselves in our new routine. However, it has also given me a moment to ponder the significance of this final chapter for our family—she truly is our last.
In fact, she’s our bonus baby. When I envisioned our family, three children was always the picture in my mind. I mentally calculated the costs of three college tuitions and imagined how we’d manage three kids’ extracurricular activities. We even chose our home with a shared room for the two siblings of the same gender. Three was the plan.
Then came our delightful surprise—the fourth child. While I cherish our newest little bundle, her arrival was unexpected. Upon learning about her, Alex took the step to ensure we wouldn’t face any more surprises, leading us into her baby years fully aware this would be it. That’s why I’m surprised by the wave of emotions hitting me as I come to terms with the reality of her being our last.
She is the final little one whose tiny kicks I’ll feel inside. The last baby I’ll inhale that sweet milky scent from during midnight feedings. The last to be content nestled in my Moby carrier. The last to evolve from a squishy newborn into a vibrant individual.
Although our oldest child is still young and there are countless firsts ahead—like high school, first dates, and all the accompanying milestones—this also marks the end of many first experiences for me. The last first smile, the last first words, and the last first steps will all belong to her.
I always thought that reaching this point would fill me with a sense of completion. However, I can easily envision one or two more joyful smiles if circumstances allowed it. If it were feasible in terms of logistics, finances, and health, I would gladly welcome more little ones into our lives. But alas, we are drawing a line here.
With this baby, we’ll be saying goodbye to our crib and high chair. The bottles, sippy cups, and tummy time mats will be packed away for good. She’ll be the last to ride in a stroller, the last needing a car seat, and the last to start school.
This little one is guiding us towards the next phase of our lives, one that will dramatically shift as she grows. There will come a time without diapers. A time when each family member can put on their own shoes and buckle into the car. Eventually, there will be a day when they won’t need us as much.
My mind understands that this is the right path for our family, but my heart is still catching up. So here I am, feeling emotional as I grieve the closing of this chapter. While we are just at the beginning of her life, we are simultaneously marking an end. Her firsts represent our lasts, and the bittersweet reality of this transition brings a touch of sadness.
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In summary, welcoming my final child has evoked unexpected feelings of sadness as I reflect on the end of an era in our family. While we look forward to the journey ahead, it’s hard to let go of the milestones that will no longer be ours to experience.