As I navigate my 40s, I’ve come to realize that I’ve unconsciously subscribed to a common belief: that by this age, I should have reached a sense of contentment and inner peace. While I find myself less troubled by the trivialities that consumed me in my 20s, I still grapple with nagging feelings of self-doubt and dissatisfaction. The truth is, a sense of fulfillment often feels just out of reach.
I constantly feel like I’m falling short of what I ought to accomplish—whether it’s preparing a snack for my children or completing a work-related task. I often find myself overcomplicating simple things, like preparing a healthy snack. Instead of just handing my kids an apple, I might stress over whether it’s organic or whether I should have added more variety. I know that simply washing the apple is thoughtful enough. Yet, my mind endlessly throws up a parade of “Yeah, but…” arguments.
I encourage my children to appreciate what they have and to understand that their best is sufficient, yet I find it challenging to extend the same courtesy to myself. I keep moving the goalposts, convinced that I can only be satisfied if I am constantly striving for more. It’s as if “here” doesn’t exist, and I’m perpetually waiting for that elusive “someday” to arrive.
This pattern echoes in various aspects of my life, from fitness to fashion. Even when I meet my daily fitness goals, there’s a voice that dismisses my achievements and insists I could have done better. I buy clothes I think will suit me, only to scrutinize them in the mirror and focus on everything I wish were different. Ironically, I’m the friend who reminds others of their worth, yet I struggle to embrace my own accomplishments.
Could it be that I’m afraid to acknowledge my own adequacy? I mean, what am I really searching for? My children certainly don’t fret over whether their snacks are organic. I often find myself picturing a moment where I can turn to the camera and declare, “Now that’s a snack that makes me feel like a fantastic mom!”
What if I let go of the relentless pursuit of perfection? What if I embraced the quirks of my home, like the marks left by our Christmas tree? What if I overlooked the fruit punch stain on our picnic blanket and chose to focus on the memories we created instead? I desire to wake up and feel positive about my wardrobe rather than dreading the day before it even begins. While I recognize that overthinking may always be a part of me, I can strive for a better balance that brings peace to myself and my family.
I want to spend more time appreciating what I have rather than yearning for what I haven’t achieved yet. For all the things I believe I’m falling short on, there’s so much I am accomplishing. I know I can’t completely erase my doubts, but I can surely lower my expectations.
So, I’m starting with the realization that being in my 40s doesn’t mean I have to be perfectly at peace with myself. And that, in itself, feels like a promising beginning.
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Summary
As I embrace my 40s, I reflect on the unrealistic expectations I place on myself regarding peace and contentment. I grapple with self-doubt and a tendency to overcomplicate simple tasks, constantly moving the goalposts of my achievements. I remind myself to appreciate my journey and lower my standards for self-acceptance. By focusing on what I have accomplished rather than what I haven’t, I can find a healthier balance and embrace the imperfect beauty of life.