For some inexplicable reason, pacifiers are among the parenting tools that tend to draw a lot of scrutiny and unsolicited opinions. When someone spots a child who seems too old to be sucking on a pacifier or still using a stroller, it’s almost as if they feel compelled to share their perspective. As if parenting isn’t already challenging enough, now we have to consider whether the tools designed to simplify our lives are causing us to be judged.
Recently, a parenting site addressed a common concern: “My baby won’t wean off his pacifier: Should I freak out?” Their advice was straightforward: “No.” The longer explanation suggests that if you can help your child transition away from the pacifier between six and twelve months, it will be much smoother. However, if this isn’t possible, aiming to wean them off by the age of four is advisable to prevent issues with teeth and speech. Four years old—doesn’t that sound reassuring? Most mothers I’ve spoken to who worry about their child’s pacifier use often have kids who are still around a year old.
Why do we get so worked up about this? I suspect it’s largely due to societal judgment surrounding certain parenting decisions, especially those involving items that help soothe our little ones. My first child was quite fond of his pacifier, and he also has a special pillow he insists on sleeping with. Children often attach themselves to certain objects more than others, making it difficult for them to let go. Despite hearing warnings about “self-soothing” before his arrival, I decided to buy the pacifier anyway. Better safe than sorry, right? I can’t express how relieved I was to have that pacifier on his first night in the hospital when he started crying uncontrollably. I simply popped it into his mouth and never looked back.
I never considered if it was socially acceptable for a child to use a pacifier beyond infancy. He enjoyed it, so I allowed him to continue. However, a passive-aggressive remark from another mother made me reconsider. At around 15 months, while waiting in line at a bookstore restroom, a woman exited a stall with her daughter and exclaimed, “Oh look. A toddler with a pacifier.”
What? First off, it’s never appropriate to address another adult through their child. That is a level of passive aggression that deserves recognition. Secondly, why does it matter to anyone how long another mother allows her child to use a pacifier? I stood there in disbelief, wondering why someone would feel the need to comment on that.
The parenting tools you choose to use are your own business. A child’s pacifier usage says nothing about your parenting abilities. My second child showed no interest in a pacifier or any comforting object at all. I raised both of them with the same approach. So don’t feel like you’re doing something wrong if your child clings to a pacifier a bit longer. Some experts even warn that taking a pacifier away too soon might lead children to substitute it with something else, like their thumb or a piece of clothing.
In conclusion, if you feel your toddler’s use of a pacifier is becoming excessive, there are numerous strategies to help ease them off it. However, if your concern stems solely from the opinions of others—don’t sweat it.
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