My oldest son, Jake, stood by the window, gazing out at our backyard, yet he made no effort to join his friends. His homework was completed, and he was free to play until dinner, but the Monday afternoon soccer game continued without him.
“Aren’t you going outside?” I asked.
He turned from the sliding glass door and shook his head. “No,” he replied. “Not today. I just don’t feel like it.”
It was unusual behavior for him; he typically enjoyed playing outside. I suspected I knew the reason behind his reluctance. “Is it about the Nerf gun deal?” I inquired.
He nodded slightly. “A little,” he admitted, looking back out at the kids kicking the soccer ball around. He clearly wanted to join them, yet he remained hidden behind the blinds.
The ‘Nerf gun deal’ had become a neighborhood phenomenon, with foam dart battles happening almost daily. There were all sorts of Nerf weapons—assault rifles, sniper rifles, blasters, and even cannons—leaving our lawns littered with forgotten foam darts.
While I have reservations about weapons in general, I particularly dislike the idea of kids pretending to shoot each other. I worry it desensitizes them to violence and could lead to accidents, like a stray dart hitting someone in the eye. Ironically, our kids own a collection of Nerf guns, and we allow them to participate in these outdoor skirmishes, provided they wear goggles and avoid aiming at each other’s heads.
This particular incident stemmed from a bicycle race over the weekend, where Jake lost to two older kids who are faster and stronger. Just before the race, one of the boys—whom we know to be a good kid—jokingly declared that the loser would face a barrage of Nerf darts from the winners. Essentially, a Nerf firing squad.
After Jake shared the “punishment” with us on Sunday night, my wife and I quickly told him there would be no such thing. He needed to inform his friends that he wouldn’t accept the so-called punishment. Later, we discussed the situation further. Was it bullying, or just typical kid behavior? How could we distinguish between the two?
In that moment, we encouraged Jake to stand up to his friends if they insisted on the Nerf punishment. But did he truly understand how to do that? My wife and I agreed that it likely wasn’t a case of bullying; we knew the boys involved and felt confident they were generally nice kids. Still, we wanted to ensure Jake had the right words to gracefully navigate the situation without creating a rift with his buddies.
Back at the window, Jake was torn. He wanted to go outside but was apprehensive about the Nerf guns. “You can go out if you want,” I said. “They might not even remember the race. But if they mention it, do you know what to say?”
He nodded, “Yeah, I’ll just come back inside.”
His face told me he wasn’t satisfied with that option. So, I added, “You could look at them and say, ‘That’s silly. I’m not going to let you shoot me with Nerf guns. Let’s just play soccer.’”
“Let me know if that doesn’t work,” I added.
He thought for a moment, then grabbed his fleece pullover. “OK,” he said, determination in his voice. “I’m going outside.”
I resisted the urge to spy on him through the blinds. I wanted him to have this space to grow. If he needed me, I trusted he would find me.
An hour later, he returned for dinner. I casually asked if the Nerf situation had come up. He replied, “Yeah.”
“Oh? What happened?” I probed.
“I told them it was just nonsense and to keep playing soccer,” he said with a grin.
I chuckled and echoed, “Nonsense?”
“Yeah, I forgot the other word you told me, but I like nonsense better,” he replied.
I told him I was proud of him for standing his ground. I was thrilled to see him not letting his older friends pressure him into something he didn’t want to do. He faced his fears and handled the situation with poise. Even though he lost the bike race, he triumphed over his uncertainty and learned to assert himself, discovering his own inner strength along the way.
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Summary
In this article, I shared a story about my son Jake, who learned to assert himself against peer pressure from older friends after a bike race. By encouraging him to speak up and stand his ground, he discovered his own strength and confidence, ultimately choosing to play soccer instead of participating in a silly Nerf gun “punishment.”