Parenting Insights from a Strong Matriarch
By Sofia Ramirez
Updated: Dec. 20, 2015
Originally Published: April 12, 2015
Isabella “Bella” Martinez arrived in New York City from Puerto Rico at just 15 years old. It was the dawn of the 1960s, and her father, a sharp-dressed tailor, was a dissenter against a terrifying regime. He orchestrated their escape, but the scars of their past during violent civil turmoil were indelible. My young mother experienced horrors that no one should endure, and she resolved that life in America would be different—if not for herself, then for her children.
Being a Latina Tiger Mom is no walk in the park. Thanks to her fierce determination, my mother and I often clashed. (In my twenties, she once told me, “I could never break you.” I took that as a compliment.) Despite her formal education ending with a G.E.D. in her thirties, Bella was a master architect of success. She prepared her children to “suck the marrow out of life.”
Now, a decade after her battle with colon cancer, I am working on a book filled with lessons from Bella’s life. Here’s a glimpse into some of the most impactful advice she shared—a heartfelt “Gracias” to this incredible force:
- “Are you an ‘A’ or a ‘B’?”
Report cards were serious business in our household; anything less than an “A” was unacceptable. If I ever brought home a “B,” my mom would sassily say, “If you think you’re a B, then be a B. If you think you’re an A, be an A.” She instilled a vital lesson about personal agency and the importance of believing in one’s potential. - “Was there a gun to your head?!”
My grandfather, who faced abduction and torture, provided Bella with striking stories she would share when I felt trapped. Her point was clear: we always have choices, even when those choices are tough. Recognizing this gives you the power to shape your own destiny. - “You don’t have to speak like them.”
As a family of Afro-Latinos, we faced teasing when relocating from bustling Harlem to quiet New Hampshire. My mother’s wisdom transcended assimilation; it empowered me to defy the low expectations set by others and reach for the stars. - “You are your only competition.”
Bella despised jealousy and would swiftly cut it down. “Want that? Get it yourself,” she’d say. She believed that comparing oneself to others only leads to discontent. Focus on self-improvement instead. - “Everything is temporary.”
When I was impatient about setbacks, my mother would remind me, “Do you think I arrived here overnight?!” Time has a way of healing and resolving challenges. - “So what if you scrub toilets?”
Bella emphasized the dignity in all work. She taught us that no job was beneath us and that every role held value, even if it was just a stepping stone toward greater things. - “You never know who your boss might be.”
When I landed my first job, Bella’s advice was abundant. She urged me to treat everyone with respect—from the janitor to the CEO—because you never know how paths may cross again. - “Always look your best.”
I understand that not everyone subscribes to traditional grooming, but Bella and the strong women in my family never left the house without mascara. She believed that presenting the best version of yourself could break down barriers. - “Education is yours to keep.”
Growing up amid revolution instilled a belief in the permanence of education. Material possessions may fade, but knowledge is a lasting asset. Your education is an investment in yourself that can never be taken away. - “What happens if you do that?”
Bella’s stories of childhood mishaps and life lessons served as a reminder of the fragility of life. They instilled in me a deep appreciation for my own fortunate upbringing, which was far less tumultuous than hers.
As I reflect on my mother’s teachings, I’m reminded of the strength and resilience she embodied. Her wisdom continues to guide me as I navigate my own parenting journey.
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In summary, Bella’s lessons have shaped my life in countless ways. They serve as a reminder of the strength of our family legacy and the importance of believing in oneself.