Let’s get straight to the point: I am running on fumes over here. And as much as I would love to take a nap on the sofa or even the floor right now, that’s just not happening. Why? Because I have not one, not two, but THREE little ones who seem to have an aversion to sleep.
You might wonder why that is. Well, my friend, I’ve been trying to figure that out for years, and I still have no clue. All I know is that in my household, sleep is a double-edged sword. I crave it like a long-lost friend, yet I can’t even remember what it feels like. It’s just a faint echo of those blissful nights back in college when eight hours felt like a guarantee.
My kids? Oh, they view sleep as something to rebel against. You know how kids react to broccoli? That’s how my children react to sleep—like it’s a punishment worse than eating steamed sauerkraut!
When it comes to sleep issues, we’ve got plenty. We’re practically a sleep problem factory over here. Night terrors? Check. Bedwetting? Check. And don’t even get me started on the late-night nursing sessions that lingered long past the socially acceptable timeframe.
We’ve tried all the sleep strategies available. Attachment parenting? Epic fail. Cry it out? Another fail. Essential oils, late bedtimes, early bedtimes? Fail, fail, and fail again! In this ongoing saga of “Please, for the love of my sanity… SLEEP!” my children are clearly winning. If there were a contest for the Tiny Insomniacs of America, my kids would be the reigning champions. And here I am, the poor soul who fell asleep mid-speech at the podium.
Today, I want to give a shout-out to all the sleep-deprived mothers out there, and share a glimpse into our chaotic minds when we hear about your well-rested kids.
Here’s how a typical conversation goes:
Me: Hey there! Great to see you. I’m feeling so wiped out this morning. The kids kept me up all night.
You: Oh, really? Mine slept like angels last night.
My Brain: She must not mean every night, right?
Me: Oh, that’s great to hear! It’s nice to have a few restful nights every month.
You: Actually, they sleep well every night. They’re fantastic sleepers.
My Brain: No way. Just keep talking. She’s probably exaggerating.
Me: That’s… that’s…
My Brain: Just say “awesome.” Don’t let jealousy slip out!
Me: Awesome!
You: Yeah, it’s wonderful. I can’t imagine being without sleep.
My Brain: Oh, you have no idea! You’d look and act like me—unraveled! Do you think I dressed like this before my sleep deprivation?
Me: But your newborn isn’t sleeping through the night yet?
You: Nope! He started sleeping 12 hours a night from just six days old.
My Brain: She’s totally making this up. Just walk away. But wait, she’s so nice!
Me: So, when did your older ones start sleeping through the night? Much later?
You: Yeah, it took ages, but they finally did it around six weeks.
My Brain: Finally? Six weeks? I’m lucky if my kids sleep through the night by six years!
Me: So you must have gone through some tough crying-it-out phase, right?
You: No, not really. They just love to sleep.
My Brain: Don’t feel bad. She’s just got the luck of the draw. If I were gambling, she’d be the one to bet on.
Me: Do you gamble?
You: Huh?
Me: Sorry, I’m just a mess today.
My Brain: Which is clearly not true. Look at her fabulous nails!
Me: I love your nails!
You: Thanks! I did them last night while the kids were asleep.
My Brain: Is she really throwing that in my face? Oh right, that’s what happens when your kids don’t wake you up every fifteen minutes. Someday, I’ll get to rest…
Me: So, this might sound silly, but it’s been so long since I’ve had a good night’s sleep. What does that even feel like?
You: Well, I just lay down, and sometimes it takes about ten minutes, but then I’m out. Um, are you okay?
Me: Zzz…
My Brain: I’ll just keep an eye on her kids. Wow, she’s looking rough!
My Brain: Maybe I should befriend more rested moms?
And that, my friends, is a peek into the mind of a sleep-deprived mother when faced with the well-rested.
In conclusion, to all the sleep-deprived moms out there: you’re not alone. If you’re exploring options for starting your family, be sure to check out excellent resources like Mount Sinai’s infertility resources or consider the at-home intracervical insemination syringe kit from Make a Mom. And if you’re interested in more on the topic of home insemination, check out the terms and conditions for more information.