Throughout my journey as a mother, I’ve encountered a variety of people who have quickly taken an interest in my daughters, from flight attendants to strangers at the grocery store, even the barista at our local coffee shop. They are often well-meaning white individuals who, in a playful tone, refer to my beautiful girls as their “Girlfriend.” This playful nickname often comes with a cheeky inflection, as if they are part of an inside joke.
While I appreciate the affection behind these gestures, I want to emphasize the importance of language, especially when it involves individuals from different racial backgrounds. I rarely hear the same kind of endearments directed toward white children. Instead, they are simply asked their names and addressed accordingly.
When I voice my discomfort about strangers calling my daughters “Girlfriend,” some friends have responded with disbelief. One even argued that her habit of calling girls “Mamacita” is harmless and not racist at all. I don’t want to make anyone defensive about their language; rather, I’m highlighting a recurring issue that many mothers of Black girls experience. If you were to ask a mom with Black daughters how often her child has been called “Girlfriend” by a stranger in a week, she’d likely lose count.
This habit may seem harmless, but it can be quite demeaning in the broader social context. Referring to someone as “your Girlfriend” implies a level of familiarity that simply doesn’t exist with a child you don’t know. It bypasses the essential steps required to build genuine relationships and disregards personal boundaries. This is akin to the casual fetishization of a Black woman’s hair, where one may not even consider the implications of touching someone else’s hair without permission.
We teach our children to respect their own boundaries, yet these interactions often send the opposite message, suggesting that they should accept unwarranted familiarity. Therefore, let me take this opportunity to assert: Stop.
I understand that you mean no harm and genuinely wish to connect with my child. I don’t blame you for wanting to be friendly. However, I urge you to reflect on how you address her and other children who don’t share her background. Use her name. If you don’t know it, then you haven’t established that relationship yet. True friendship begins with recognizing her as a person, not just a “Girlfriend.”
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In summary, while the intention behind calling my daughters “Girlfriend” may be friendly, it’s crucial to recognize the implications of such terms. Let’s strive to foster genuine connections by addressing individuals respectfully and recognizing their humanity.