In a vibrantly nostalgic ’80s setting, we find the charming couple, Jenna and Mark, sprawled on the bedroom floor. Their moment of passion is humorously interrupted by their adorable little one, Lily, who crawls by. After purchasing Season One of Thirtysomething on Amazon, I dove into the episodes during my laundry sessions (I promise, just during laundry!). I couldn’t resist sharing that opening scene with my partner. “This is what I imagined marriage would be like,” I said, as the pan-flute theme played in the background, and we both chuckled. Yet, I distinctly remember a time when we were caught up in a similar moment, only to have our first-born crawl by. Thanks to Thirtysomething—even just the credits—I also glimpsed some of the less glamorous realities: endless crying at lunch with a stylish friend and the chaos of toys scattered across the living room when dinner didn’t quite make it to the table.
The show debuted during my senior year of high school and continued through my first few years of college. I didn’t catch every episode live, but my mother—one of its earliest recappers—would fill me in during our phone chats. I later binge-watched the reruns, identifying with virtually every character, especially Jenna and Hope. I envisioned my life mirroring the Melissa-to-Hope journey: a vibrant city life leading to a seamless transition into suburban motherhood, along with the classic quest for work-life harmony.
Jenna and Mark’s relationship is at the heart of the show, embodying the evolving dynamics of marriage in the ’80s. I was captivated watching them navigate shared responsibilities, both at home and in parenting. I made mental notes, not only for my future life but also for my potential career as a spy (thanks to Burn Notice). Their efforts to maintain romance intrigued me, even if I couldn’t grasp the challenges they faced.
At 18, I felt a stronger connection to Melissa, quirky and neurotic, overflowing with affection she was eager to give. I worried I’d end up like her, entangled with someone like Gary, who was commitment-shy. The scene that struck me the hardest back then was Ellyn’s wedding, where Gary’s spirit reveals to Mark that Melissa and her partner, Lee, will marry and have a wonderful child. It was a clear reflection of what I desired in life.
Nancy and Elliot, on the other hand, didn’t hold much interest for me at the time. Their struggles felt mundane. Now, however, it’s their story that often brings me to tears. My urban dreams faded quickly, and like Nancy, I fell in love in college, married young, and had two children. My marriage has remained intact, unlike theirs, but I can see the strains that tested them. At one point, Nancy confides in Hope about losing touch with Elliot, and though his departure feels like a betrayal, it’s their separation that rekindles her identity as an artist. She publishes a picture book, rediscovering herself as a woman and an individual.
Their reunion is sweetly poignant, marked by a moment where Elliot is re-installing their stereo and mentions he’d like to get a smaller one for his new apartment. Nancy’s sly question, “Why would you need two?” leads them into a tender dance as Stevie Nicks croons “I Still Miss Someone.”
Nancy’s cancer diagnosis is particularly cruel. When I watched it initially, I was too young to grasp the weight of mortality. I’ve been fortunate—both my parents are alive, and I haven’t faced loss through cancer. However, I have spent sleepless nights in the hospital with my critically ill preemie, praying for every hour. In my circles, I see how cancer devastates families.
The show’s heart-wrenching events continue with Gary’s tragic accident. I remember my mother being deeply affected by this plot twist. I didn’t understand her emotional reaction back then, but now at 47, I see how tragedies seem to accumulate in your forties. Sometimes, even the heartache portrayed on television feels overwhelming.
What once served as a crystal ball now reflects my own life experiences—a rear-view mirror of sorts. I’ve come to understand that life, marriage, and existence have their own ebb and flow. If we’re wise, we’ll make time for more dances to the stereo. Perhaps I’ll even try to recreate that floor moment with my husband again, though our son is now off at college, so we won’t have any little ones crawling by.
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Summary:
Revisiting Thirtysomething as a parent in my forties has transformed my perspective on the show. The nostalgia of Jenna and Mark’s relationship resonates differently now, highlighting both the joyful and challenging aspects of marriage and parenthood. As I reflect on my own life journey, I appreciate the cycles of love, loss, and renewal depicted in the series.