As I ride the subway with my daughter, I often find myself in the crosshairs of curious glances. Just as some early-morning commuters make assumptions about us before I’ve had my caffeine fix, I can’t help but categorize their reactions into a few observational boxes based on my non-scientific morning encounters:
The Tribal Acknowledgment
People of all backgrounds give us a longer look, and sometimes I catch a friendly “S’up” smile. My daughter and I likely resonate with their own experiences at home, or perhaps they are simply young and open-minded, accustomed to the beauty of diversity. In their world, it’s just “cool,” while I respond with a warm, “Absolutely.”
The Feel-Good Liberal Gaze
Typically, I encounter those over 35 who might share similar values. However, their lack of a genuine smile or that awkward “Oh, my bad!” smirk signals a mix of curiosity and discomfort – about 70 percent intrigued and 30 percent overwhelmed. They probably haven’t met families like ours before, and it seems to throw them off balance. This reminds me of a well-meaning mom at one of my daughter’s previous progressive schools who repeatedly exclaimed, “I can’t believe she’s your child!” Lady, please, let’s not go there.
The Confused Stare
This is where the fun begins. Often an older commuter or a newcomer to the city will catch sight of us. At first, they glance at me, then fixate on my daughter for the rest of the ride. The moment they realize that I’m not her caregiver, the confusion grows. Some might feel offended, as if I’ve betrayed my heritage by having a child with someone “different.” Others seem just perplexed, struggling to reconcile their rigid notions of race. How dare I challenge their established beliefs at this hour?
How do I absorb these varying reactions without becoming a spectator myself? Like any protective mama bear on the subway, I’ve got eyes in the back of my head and a little self-defense knowledge tucked away. If you don’t fit neatly into my categories, perhaps you just find us adorable. If that’s the case, thank you! And a little kindness goes a long way.
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Summary:
Navigating the complexities of racial perception while raising a child who appears to belong to a different race can lead to a range of curious reactions from onlookers. From friendly acknowledgments to confused stares, my experiences on the subway reflect broader societal dynamics. The journey is filled with warmth, humor, and opportunities for understanding, as we challenge established notions of race and family.