“Well, we’ll be the brains, and you can be the beauty.” Those words struck me hard, coming from some well-intentioned male classmates during high school. We were collaborating on an English project, and I had believed we were united because of our intelligence. That comment made me rethink everything.
Forget about pretty.
I’m not talking about rejecting the idea of looking pretty or dismissing others’ perceptions of beauty. What I mean is that I’m fed up with the entire concept of “pretty.”
This is for my lovely 3-year-old daughter, who adores trains and cars just as much as dolls. She might pick pink cupcakes but insists blue is her favorite color. For three years, I’ve been pondering what to say when she asks why I wear makeup.
I could say it’s to enhance my looks. While that’s partially true, doesn’t it suggest I’m not good enough as I am? What kind of role model would that make me? I want you to know that you don’t need makeup to be beautiful—you already are.
But I hesitate to say that. Because you are so much more than pretty. You’re smart, brave, quirky, clever, generous, and full of life.
Forget about pretty.
This is for my wonderful 14-year-old stepdaughter, who is petite and beautiful yet detests every photo of herself and believes she’s overweight. I wish we could return to a time before selfies and social media, when self-worth wasn’t measured by likes and filters. Being a teenager is challenging enough without those added pressures.
I wish you could see that it wouldn’t matter if you were “overweight” (which you aren’t). Even if you were, you’d still be intelligent, kind, thoughtful, creative—and yes, still beautiful. Because beauty isn’t about having a tiny nose or thin thighs.
Forget about pretty.
This is for my remarkable 17-year-old niece, who is quickly making waves in the Canadian modeling industry. Scouted by a top agency at just 16, she’s stepping into a world that prioritizes looks above all else. I’m proud of her but deeply concerned.
I fear she might develop an eating disorder to compete with other models or forget that her worth is far beyond her appearance. She’s witty, kind, and generous, in addition to being beautiful.
Forget about pretty.
I wish I could articulate why I still feel the need to wear makeup. I see other women who go bare-faced and think, “Wow! They look incredible without a trace of makeup.” So why should I think differently about myself? My husband prefers me without makeup, yet the idea of attending a party without it terrifies me. What am I afraid of?
The notion of “pretty” is complex. I want to embrace it but feel angered when it’s the first thing others notice about me. I’m protective of my youngest daughter’s exposure to this word and what it implies.
In this overly polished culture we’re raising our daughters in, I worry that they’re learning that heroines must have perfect bodies and flawless makeup, always saved by a prince. That’s not the role models they should aspire to. They should look up to women like Malala Yousafzai, who bravely fought for her education and became the youngest recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize. Malala is courageous, articulate, intelligent—and yes, beautiful. But not because she fits a certain mold, rather because she embodies so much more.
Forget about pretty.
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In summary, we need to shift our focus from the superficial idea of beauty to the many attributes that truly define us. It’s essential to teach the next generation that their worth goes far beyond their appearance.