8 Reasons I’m Dreading the Final Month of Pregnancy

As the days tick down toward the arrival of my little one, I find myself increasingly exhausted by the idea of anyone who claims to adore every moment of pregnancy. I can’t decide if they’re being disingenuous or if they just have a different reality than mine, but the hormonal haze that erases the tougher bits of this experience is a genuine mystery. Now, as I enter the home stretch, the thought of enduring another month without the sweet relief of a cocktail feels nearly impossible. So, if you happen to bump into someone like me—a Very Pregnant Person—here are a few realities we’re grappling with. A little kindness and perhaps a donut wouldn’t go amiss!

1. The Bosom Blues

My bosom has made it abundantly clear that my pre-pregnancy body is a thing of the past. On average, women gain about three pounds per breast while pregnant, but mine seem to have gone rogue. One is well-endowed while the other is having a middle school moment. The only solution I can think of for a decent-fitting bra is to DIY a Frankenbra from two different ones. If you see me leaning to one side, well, gravity isn’t being kind.

2. The Strep B Test

Approaching 36 weeks, my midwife reminded me about the Strep B test. “You remember what that means?” she asked. Sure do, lady—let’s not sugarcoat it. We’re talking about a Q-tip in a very uncomfortable place. That’s not exactly a casual exchange!

3. Carrying High

Everyone keeps telling me I’m carrying high, but I feel like I’m one sneeze away from revealing my baby’s hair color. If this is considered high, I can’t fathom how low one could carry without practically giving birth in their pants.

4. Almost There?

Strangers enthusiastically declare, “You’re almost there!” with a punch in the air. Well, Anonymous Alex, I still have four weeks left. That’s 28 days. 672 hours. 40,320 minutes. If you have any sense, you’ll turn around and run. And maybe bring me a pizza on your way out.

5. Barefoot and Pregnant

The phrase “barefoot and pregnant” has always baffled me, but now I understand. My feet have swollen to the point where they resemble flotation devices. Even flip-flops are a struggle, as my skin spills over the straps. Anyone still wearing heels at this point? They must be a superhero or Gwyneth Paltrow, and I don’t trust either option.

6. Wedding Ring Woes

Speaking of swelling, my wedding rings are currently enjoying a well-deserved rest on my nightstand. I was close to needing to cut them off. Add “liberating your sausage fingers from their white gold prison” to the list of ways I wish I could use coconut oil.

7. Belly Button Sensitivity

Earlier in my pregnancy, a belly rub was a sweet acknowledgment of my growing bump. Now, my skin is stretched tight, and my belly button sensitivity could win awards. Each touch makes me jump and emit a noise reminiscent of a constipated llama. It’s partly because, honestly, please stop touching me!

8. Eating for Two

If I hear “you’re eating for two” one more time, I swear I’ll unleash my wrath on the next person who chuckles that phrase as I reach for a cupcake. Everything hurts, except this delightful cupcake, and I will not let anyone ruin that joy. The only time that saying should be uttered is when you’re handing me another cupcake, with compliments about how thin I look.

At this point, no horror story about long labor could deter me from the path to motherhood. My only focus is on the simple joy of sitting down without feeling like I’m about to topple. I don’t care how much memory-erasing hormone is at play; nothing will make me forget that my breasts have reached astronomical proportions.

For more insights on the journey to parenthood, be sure to check out our other blog posts, like this one about intracervical insemination. And if you’re also on this path, consider visiting Make A Mom for an expert perspective, or explore UCSF’s resources on IVF for comprehensive support throughout your pregnancy journey.

Summary

The final month of pregnancy can bring a range of uncomfortable and humorous challenges. From physical transformations to unsolicited advice, it’s a time filled with mixed emotions. Understanding these experiences can help others provide support and kindness to those navigating this journey.