About a year ago, we relocated for my partner’s career advancement, and as he thrives in his role, his travel schedule has become increasingly demanding. I’m genuinely thrilled for him—after all, we’re still young, approaching 40, and now feels like the right time to pursue professional growth. He’s passionate about his work and desires to make a difference. However, I can’t shake the feeling of unease regarding how his frequent absences are affecting our family.
Interestingly, when he’s away, I don’t feel like he’s missing out on anything extraordinary. The days blend into a familiar routine: wake up, breakfast, drop our son at preschool, then tackle chores and work until it’s time to pick him up. Dinner follows, and soon after, bed. Yet, I know these seemingly mundane moments are the fabric of our son’s childhood. My partner is missing out on the warmth of our son’s sleepy hugs in the morning, the joy of sticky hands after breakfast, and the tales from preschool that bring light to our evenings. His absence often leaves me in survival mode, overwhelmed by the daily grind of work, cooking, and laundry, with little energy left to enjoy the sweet, fleeting moments of parenthood.
I recognize that reflecting on this is a privilege. My partner has a stable job that provides us with a comfortable lifestyle, allowing us to offer our son opportunities we didn’t have growing up—be it swim classes, martial arts, or adventures around the world. What parent doesn’t want the best for their child? Our lifestyle isn’t extravagant; we rent our apartment, drive used cars, and prepare home-cooked meals. Both of us have been financially independent since college, and while we know we’re fortunate compared to our parents, the question lingers: what would life look like if his job didn’t require such extensive travel but still provided enough for us to thrive?
Although we aren’t unhappy, I wonder if we would find more fulfillment with less. Would our bond deepen if we adhered to a stricter budget? I’d like to think we could navigate the challenges, drawing from our experiences as newlyweds working part-time jobs over a decade ago. Yet, I’m uncertain whether we would choose that path for the sake of more time together.
Our parents faced their own struggles, but they were home for dinner every night. They may not have provided every material possession, yet we grew up content. Their choices were shaped by their upbringing and circumstances, and while it may seem like a weak excuse to cling to a lucrative job, the reality is that life has changed significantly since they were raising us. For instance, preschool costs are now astronomical, and healthcare expenses can be overwhelming.
Having been born in late ’70s Hungary, I recall a time devoid of luxury—public schools were the norm, and healthcare was free. My partner hails from a small, economically challenged town in Pennsylvania, where even basic necessities were a struggle. These backgrounds instilled in us the importance of family, and we want to honor that while also moving forward in life. With the world evolving around us, we find ourselves confronted with choices our parents may not have faced: balancing career ambitions with family time, deciding whether to accept promotions that demand more travel, or to stay rooted at home.
Ultimately, I understand that happiness doesn’t boil down to having less or more—it’s about finding equilibrium. How many days apart are we willing to endure for a family vacation in Europe? For theater tickets? Or for a guitar lesson? And what about the missed bath times, soccer games, or school performances? I don’t have all the answers. We manage these travel days as they come, and I know that true understanding will come only when I reflect on our lives together and see what truly mattered during our son’s upbringing. For now, the balance feels right.
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Summary
The article reflects on the challenges of balancing a demanding career with family time, particularly how frequent travels impact relationships and parenting. It emphasizes the importance of finding equilibrium between professional aspirations and family life, while also acknowledging the privilege of choice in today’s world.