Editor’s Note: We asked 16-year-old Jamie Rivers, whose parents separated when she was just four, to share her insights for helping children cope with the challenges of divorce. Here’s what she had to say:
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Avoid Conflicts in Our Presence
It’s understandable that tensions may arise, but please strive to keep disagreements out of our sight and hearing. Divorce is tough on kids, and seeing or hearing parents argue can amplify our anxiety. Even if you think we’re not listening, we probably are. Keep discussions respectful, even if they’re difficult. Remember, it’s not our responsibility to mediate your disputes.
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Consider Our Feelings When Starting to Date Again
Dating post-divorce is a reality we acknowledge. However, if we’re uncomfortable with your new partner, please don’t push it. Forcing us into situations we’re not ready for can create resentment. We need to feel reassured that we’re still your priority. Spend quality time with us, and allow us to express our feelings about your new relationship.
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Don’t Speak Negatively About the Other Parent
Let’s leave the gossip for the grown-ups. Children don’t want to hear one parent criticize the other. Describing your ex in a negative light only hurts us, as they are still significant in our lives. Keep those conversations for your support network, and maintain respect for each other in front of us.
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Stay Strong in Front of Us
Divorce can be overwhelming for adults, but it’s even more challenging for children. We might struggle to grasp the concept of divorce and its permanence. While you may feel like you’re falling apart, it’s crucial to remain a pillar of strength for us. We need to know that both parents still love us and will be there through the storm.
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Maintain Some Consistency in Our Routines
We understand that change is inevitable, but try to keep our daily routines as stable as possible. Whether it’s school drop-offs or bedtime rituals, maintaining familiarity helps us feel secure. Divorce is already a big upheaval; let’s not add more chaos to our lives.
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Make the New Living Arrangements Fun
When one parent moves out, help us make the new space feel special. Whether it’s picking out a new bedspread or a beloved stuffed animal, these small gestures can make a big difference. Don’t shy away from letting us take reminders of the other parent to our new home.
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Open Up About the Divorce
We need to have honest discussions about the changes happening in our lives. Explain the reasons for the divorce in a way that we can understand, reassuring us that it’s not our fault. A simple book or schedule can help us process these new dynamics.
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Celebrate Special Occasions Together
Important milestones like birthdays and graduations should still be special. It can be challenging to balance new partners during these times, but please prioritize our feelings. We want celebrations to focus on us, without added tension from new relationships.
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Ensure We Have Enough Essentials in Both Homes
As a child transitioning between homes, I often find myself lacking basic necessities. Please invest in duplicates of our favorite clothing and essentials like socks and underwear to avoid last-minute scrambling. It’s a small effort that saves a lot of stress!
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Act Like the Adults You Are
In the end, we look to you for guidance. Please strive to act like the responsible adults we need during this difficult time.
In summary, navigating divorce is a challenge for everyone involved, especially for children. By following these guidelines, parents can help ease the transition and prioritize their child’s emotional well-being. For more insights on related topics, feel free to check out our other blog posts, such as the one on fertility and health, or explore boosting fertility supplements for those considering family planning options.