Scrolling through my social media feed often leaves me troubled. I see discussions surrounding recent tragic events, with people attributing them to mental health issues, overbearing parents, or academic pressure. The truth is, we just don’t know the reasons behind these heartbreaking situations. We haven’t heard from the families involved, and any assumptions we make are just that—assumptions. However, we do recognize that certain factors are negatively impacting our children today. As local teen Emily Sanders wisely pointed out, “Parents, relax.”
To every parent reading this, I urge you to accept right now that the likelihood of your child getting into a prestigious school like Stanford is slim—regardless of their efforts. (And no, they probably won’t be accepted at Harvard, Yale, or MIT either. I’m not joking.) Your child may not be getting into the college you envision.
“But wait! So-and-so’s kid is currently at Stanford. Look at their SAT scores and activities!” Sure, you can present examples to challenge this notion, but I could easily counter with countless others. Last year, Stanford’s acceptance rate was below 5%. Do the math.
In the spirit of providing clarity, I’ve compiled some common questions and answers from parents I’ve encountered over the past year. While I didn’t respond to these inquiries at the time, I’d like to do so now, drawing from my experience in admissions (not as official advice, but as guidance) and my role as a community advocate and parent.
Fair warning: I might come off a bit sarcastic; we all need to take a deep breath, as Emily suggests, which also means “lighten up.” As a reward, I’ll include questions I wish parents would ask instead—ones that could provide real value.
Common Questions I Receive
Freshman Parent:
“My child is in honors math, and their homework takes three hours each night. If I ask to remove them from honors math, am I jeopardizing their chances of getting into Stanford?”
If your ninth grader has three hours of homework for one subject, that’s a significant issue. This isn’t merely about college admissions; it’s about time management. Your child has multiple subjects, and there aren’t enough hours in a day for that load. Contact the teacher, engage with the school, and consider re-evaluating the course load. Three hours of homework in total for one night is excessive.
Sophomore Parent:
“My son received a ‘B’ in English. How can I help him improve his chances for the Ivies? Would an exotic summer service trip help offset the grade?”
You’re asking how to salvage the situation, but guess what? You can’t. Why? Because you’re not the student. Your child’s grades are their responsibility. If they need to improve, they need to take the lead. And no, sending them off to some far-flung place to perform charitable work isn’t the magic solution.
Junior Parent:
“How important are grades? Do students with ‘B’s still get into Ivy League schools?”
Grades matter, but students with ‘B’s can still gain admission. However, reality check: your child likely won’t get in, given the dire admissions statistics.
Senior Parent:
“My child is applying to 19 colleges.”
That wasn’t even a question, but excuse me while I scream into a pillow.
Junior Parent:
“I had to sign a form to allow my son to take more AP classes than recommended because he needs to stay competitive.”
That wasn’t a question; it was an excuse. Limits exist for a reason. When you say, “He needs to stay competitive,” it translates to “I’m competing with other parents.” If you’re boasting about your child’s workload, it’s time for some honesty.
Freshman Parent:
“How many AP classes do students need to take to get into Yale? I hear some kids are taking 22 AP classes; what’s a good target?”
A good target is zero, because your child isn’t getting into Yale. Did you miss that memo?
Questions I Wish Parents Would Ask
How much sleep does my teen need?
Teens require a minimum of nine hours of sleep for optimal health. (I’m not an expert, but I trust the Mayo Clinic.)
How does that affect homework time?
If school ends at 3 p.m. and your child needs to wake up at 7 a.m., they should be in bed by 10 p.m. That leaves them with seven hours for sports, dinner, downtime, and homework.
What if my child has too much homework?
Act decisively. Contact teachers, advocate for your child. If necessary, prioritize sleep over unfinished assignments and reassure your child of your support.
What if my child refuses to go to bed on time?
Enforce bedtime rules. Remove electronics at 9:55 p.m. and remember, you set the rules. Teaching healthy habits now will benefit them later.
What should I do if everyone is signing forms to allow more AP classes?
Don’t sign the form. You’re the authority. Taking on too many AP classes leads to burnout without guaranteed acceptance into Ivy League schools.
Where should my child apply if they’re interested in a specific field?
There are countless colleges to explore. Some of the best programs for your child’s interests may not be Ivy League. Keep an open mind and create a balanced list of options.
How much do grades and scores matter?
They do matter, but they’re not the only factors. Schools prioritize holistic admissions, meaning they look at more than just numbers.
How can I motivate my child to excel academically?
Encourage them to do their best without imposing unrealistic expectations. When setbacks occur, discuss them openly and supportively.
Does perfect academic performance guarantee admission?
No, perfection is increasingly common. Even outstanding students can face rejection from top schools.
Does attending an Ivy League school increase my child’s chances of admission?
The landscape has changed. Admission rates are tougher now, and legacy status doesn’t guarantee acceptance.
What if my child is struggling to gain admission?
Realize that admissions are competitive. Help your child work with school counselors to create a realistic list of schools where they would be happy to attend.
How do I alleviate pressure on my child?
Stop presenting Ivy League schools as the ultimate goal from the beginning.
What should my child focus on to increase their chances of admission?
Encourage engagement in learning, exploration of interests, and genuine happiness.
As we navigate the complexities of education and college admissions, remember that the journey should not solely revolve around prestigious institutions. Support your child in pursuing what they love, and help them develop into well-rounded individuals. For additional insights on related topics, consider checking out this helpful article on home insemination or exploring fertility solutions from experts in the field. For more detailed information on reproductive methods, this Wikipedia page on in vitro fertilization can be a great resource.
Summary:
The pressure surrounding college admissions can be overwhelming for both students and parents. Recognizing the realities of college acceptance rates, particularly for Ivy League institutions, is crucial. Parents should focus on supporting their children’s interests, ensuring they get adequate rest, and fostering a balanced approach to education rather than fixating solely on prestigious schools.