Princess or Not, How Does She Look Like That?

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Well, the global spotlight on royal births has shifted once again. Kate and Will have welcomed a gorgeous baby girl, who joins her older brother, George.

Like everyone else, I couldn’t help but coo over the first image of their little bundle of joy. She’s absolutely precious.

But what really blew me away was Kate’s appearance: she stepped out in heels, donning a lovely white and yellow dress. Seriously, how does she pull that off? I understand she has a team of hairstylists and makeup artists at her beck and call to help her look impeccable, but let’s be real—this is a woman who just gave birth to an eight-pound, three-ounce baby! And within just ten hours, she looks like she just returned from a luxurious spa day, complete with a newborn as a gift. It’s mind-boggling!

There’s no makeup artist in the world who could have made me look remotely decent just ten hours after giving birth. Not even with a truckload of concealer, layers of shapewear, and possibly a small animal sacrifice. It just wasn’t happening.

Ten hours after my own experience, I was still grappling with simple things like, oh I don’t know, peeing without tearing up. And let’s not even get started on the topic of bowel movements. I was gingerly maneuvering across the cold hospital floor, sporting a maxi pad the size of a small car, held snugly in place by those charming mesh panties that every new mom knows and secretly loves. They may not be a fashion statement, but they are certainly practical! Sitting down was a whole operation. I was forever grateful to whoever decided to freeze maxi pads to make them the perfect ice packs—thank you, universe!

People assured me that swelling in hands and feet diminishes after birth, but they were mistaken. I was more swollen after giving birth than I had been before! Honestly, I could have fit into my husband’s shoes! Heels? No chance.

While everyone mentions the so-called “new mom glow,” I felt more like a flushed version of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, complete with frizzy hair. One of my kids even asked me why I still looked pregnant and if perhaps the doctor had missed a baby. I suppose I’ll forgive her one day—maybe when she has a child of her own.

Meanwhile, Kate appeared ready for a magazine cover or a charity event in no time at all. I don’t look that good on a planned date night!

Yet, as stunning as she seems, I can’t help but feel a touch of sympathy for Kate. The thought of an entire crew surrounding me right after giving birth, all to ensure that the paparazzi outside are satisfied with my appearance? It makes me shudder. And regardless of the fabulous pain relief she might have (I’m guessing it includes a sprinkle of fairy dust and maybe a dash of dragon blood), Mother Nature has a way of reminding us of her realities.

I can just picture Kate standing there, feeling achy and sore, possibly with a diaper under her dress, a peri bottle tucked away, and extra pairs of those comfy mesh panties stashed in her purse. I bet she was longing to be home, cozying up with her new baby girl and her son, George, discovering what it means to be a big brother.

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In summary, while the delightful spectacle of royal births captures our hearts, it also brings a reality check for new mothers everywhere. The journey of motherhood is filled with its own challenges, and even princesses have their struggles.