My son is still a sweet, thoughtful 12-year-old who enjoys basketball and is a huge Star Wars fan—not yet the angst-ridden teenager sporting piercings and tattoos. So, what prompted him to shave his head?
Ryan has always preferred shorter hair. He thinks Marines have a cool look and loves the idea of not having to deal with hair maintenance. Whenever he visits the barber, he eagerly requests a “buzz cut.” I often find myself frantically signaling the barber, whispering “not too short” while shaking my head. For a while, Ryan had been asking if he could shave his head. He thought it would be an awesome look, and he skillfully countered our parental logic:
- “You always say a bad haircut isn’t a big deal.”
- “It’s my head; why shouldn’t I shave it?”
- And the classic child’s argument: “You never let me do anything fun.”
Adding to our dilemma was the fact that my husband, Tom, had once fought with his own father over hair length. Back then, Tom’s hair was too long, and his dad insisted on a crew cut. He promised himself that when he had a son, he wouldn’t engage in such battles over hair. He aimed to be the laid-back dad who supported any hairstyle.
Ultimately, Tom suggested we let Ryan go for it. His reasoning was that small acts of rebellion are harmless and that it would be a learning experience for him. I did my best to look away as the clumps of Ryan’s soft brown hair fell away.
Initially, Ryan reveled in showing off his bald head to friends, relishing their shock and admiration. He basked in the glory of being “the kid whose parents let him do whatever.” Meanwhile, I felt a twinge of embarrassment, thinking I must look like the parent who had no control. However, Ryan soon discovered that being bald came with unexpected downsides.
Strangers often stared, wondering if he was dealing with some medical issue. Girls began pestering him—at this age, they can be quite annoying—asking if they could touch his shiny scalp. To my surprise, he also started feeling cold more often. One day, he went from wearing shorts and flip-flops to bundling up in layers like Grandma always advised. His baseball cap became a staple accessory. Just a few days in, and the novelty of his new look was already fading. Thank goodness for that.
From the start, Tom believed that allowing Ryan this small victory would teach him about the consequences of his choices. I wasn’t so convinced. I didn’t think that simply letting him shave his head would deter him from future rebellious behavior, like sneaking out or trying alcohol. Yet, surprisingly, it seems to have worked—at least for now.
For this week, Ryan has stopped pestering us about things he’s not allowed to do. He made a significant decision and isn’t rushing to take on more responsibilities. He tested the waters of independence and has come back to the comfort of home for a sweatshirt. It turns out that making adult choices isn’t as glamorous as he thought, which is exactly what Tom and I hoped for.
By taking this small parenting risk—one that had no long-term consequences—we’ve actually gained some ground. Admittedly, I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that every adult who sees Ryan’s bald head might be questioning our parenting choices. But I hope he’s learned a valuable lesson. As he grows older, he’ll have plenty of opportunities to assert his independence and face the consequences of his choices. After all, hair does grow back.
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Summary:
In this light-hearted reflection on parenting, Rachel discusses her 12-year-old son Ryan’s decision to shave his head. Initially excited, Ryan soon learns the unexpected consequences of his choice, including attention from strangers and feeling cold. This small act of rebellion serves as a lesson about independence and the realities of decision-making, showcasing the balance parents navigate in allowing their children to express themselves.