7 Lessons Learned from Navigating a Sea of Diet Trends

Walking through a trendy health store can be an overwhelming experience. The scent of earthy patchouli, artisanal soap, and the fresh smell of paper from all those second mortgages people must take out just to shop there can be quite a sensory overload. But let’s face it: when it comes to diet fads, they’ve got it all figured out. There’s always some new wisdom about what we eat, drink, and even how we think about food (like bacon, which, for the record, is not a character from a children’s book, but rather a delicious treat). Please don’t judge my love for bacon!

So after my encounter with the overly enthusiastic sales staff, I decided to take their advice home, armed with all their pamphlets and a lingering scent of patchouli. Here’s what I discovered from test-driving various diet trends:

1. Clean Eating

If “clean eating” includes snacking on the leftovers from my kids’ plates while I tidy up the kitchen, then I’m a clean-eating pro. I bet many of you are too!

2. Juice Fast

This one usually happens when my toddler insists on nothing but sugary juice pouches. He’s like a little sugar-fueled Gandhi, throwing tantrums over the color of the sky.

3. Gluten-Free

If I can prepare dinner without getting off the couch, it’s definitely gluten-free. “Hey, kiddo, want some microwave popcorn, pickles, and a can of spam for dinner?” “Sure, Mom! Sounds good to me!”

4. Plant-Based

As I indulge in cheesy scrambled eggs and crispy bacon, I simply pretend it’s all organic quinoa and kale. If I can’t even get my kids to eat a perfectly cooked steak, they’re not touching anything that looks like a beet.

5. 21-Day Fix

This is when I attempt to serve dinner every night for three weeks straight, only to have everyone turn up their noses. We fondly refer to it as the “Pizza Hut fix”—because who can resist pizza delivered right to your couch?

6. Paleolithic Diet

This is a fun time when my children use toy dinosaurs as utensils while feasting on chicken nuggets. I, of course, enjoy my wine while pretending the T-Rex is serving it to me. Roar!

7. Breatharian Diet

My kids are fans of this one since it means they don’t have to eat anything. But after hours of pleading for candy, they eventually realize meatloaf sounds way better than going hungry.

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In summary, experimenting with various diets can lead to some humorous and relatable moments. From the chaos of clean eating to the absurdity of a breatharian diet, it’s all about finding what works for you and your family—while keeping your sense of humor intact!