Parenting
When Your Mother Isn’t Perfect, You Learn to Seek Out What You Need on Your Own
by Emma Hart
Updated: March 2, 2021
Originally Published: May 10, 2015
My mother is not a bad person. She’s simply not the idealized version of motherhood that many envision. Growing up, I realized she was navigating her own struggles, often feeling lost and overwhelmed. Though she had her moments of charm and sweetness, there were times when she seemed distant and oblivious. It was clear she didn’t fully grasp the significance of her role as my mother; instead, she appeared focused on keeping herself afloat.
One of her talents was sewing. She crafted beautiful dollhouse furniture adorned with ruffled dust skirts that I cherished long after the store-bought items fell apart. I wore dresses she made from patterns I meticulously pinned onto fabric we picked out together. She also taught me the art of embroidery and crocheting, skills that, while charming, felt somewhat outdated for a girl growing up in the late 20th century. While she ensured I could hem a dress, she overlooked the basics of personal care, leaving me to figure out how to navigate adolescence on my own.
I remember walking to school by myself at the tender age of five, a sign of my independence forged from necessity. In the absence of direct guidance from my mother, I formed connections with other women who could fill in the gaps. Instead of crafting with yarn, I wove together a support network, seeking out mentors and friends who could offer the wisdom my mother didn’t provide.
These incredible women came from various walks of life—teachers, family members, friends, and even strangers. There was Lisa, who introduced me to the world of healthy cooking while encouraging me to embrace my own choices. Sarah, who hired me to babysit her kids, often slipped me money for treats I couldn’t afford. Linda, a kind neighbor, made sure I had the right attire for special events and shared her favorite recipes for holiday pies. Each one imparted invaluable lessons, some of which I desperately needed to hear.
I eagerly absorbed their knowledge, hoping they would unlock the secrets of motherhood—not just to understand what my own mother lacked, but also to prepare myself for future parenting. Incredibly, they did! I pieced together a rich tapestry of wisdom from these women, learning that perfection in motherhood is an illusion. There are no flawless mothers, just women trying their best, each with their own strengths and weaknesses.
Ultimately, I discovered that when you don’t receive what you need from your mother, you have to go out and create your own support system. This realization has been the most profound lesson my mother ever imparted to me. For more insights into the journey of parenthood, you can check out this informative post on home insemination.
In summary, while my mother may not have been the perfect role model, her imperfections led me to seek out the guidance I needed from a diverse group of women. Their collective wisdom helped me navigate the complexities of life and motherhood, teaching me that strength can come from unexpected places.