It’s not often that a simple phrase leaves a profound impact on me. In fact, it’s rare for a single sentence to shift the way I engage with my family. But one particular statement did just that. It wasn’t spoken by a famous philosopher or a celebrated child psychologist; rather, it came straight from children themselves. Throughout my journey of living more mindfully, I’ve discovered that kids truly understand what matters most.
The game-changing words were these: “College athletes were asked what their parents said that made them feel great during and after a game. The majority responded: ‘I love to watch you play.’” These words originated from an article titled “What Makes a Nightmare Sports Parent and What Makes a Great One,” which highlighted insights gathered over thirty years by experts Bruce E. Brown and Rob Miller of Proactive Coaching LLC. Even after finishing the piece, I found myself returning to that one phrase: “I love to watch you play.” I read it multiple times, reflecting on my past interactions with my children after their events.
After swim meets, music recitals, or soccer games, had I ever said, “I love to watch you play”? I could recall countless moments of guiding, complimenting, and offering constructive feedback. While I wasn’t a nightmare parent, I realized that I might have been offering more than necessary.
By nature, I tend to be quite wordy—often overexplaining my thoughts. While I aim to avoid criticism, my detailed praise could sometimes imply that my child’s performance wasn’t “good enough.” Could I simply express my admiration with those six words? Would my kids feel confused if I didn’t elaborate as I usually did?
As fate would have it, my daughter had a swim meet the day after I encountered that phrase. When her event began, she took off from the blocks with such grace and power that I couldn’t help but shed a tear. I was overwhelmed with emotion—not because of competition, but because I felt so proud to watch her thrive.
After the meet, I wrapped her in a warm towel and gazed into her eyes. “I love to watch you swim. You glide so beautifully,” I told her. While it wasn’t exactly six words, it was a significant simplification from my usual lengthy commentary. In that moment, she leaned against me and sighed deeply, as if to say, “The pressure’s off; she just loves watching me swim.”
A few days later, my younger daughter had ukulele practice. It was a milestone day—her instructor deemed her ready to play without the colored stickers that had guided her for nearly two years. As she played Taylor Swift’s “Ours,” I felt tears well up again. I wasn’t emotional over her pitch; I was moved by her happiness and freedom.
As we left the lesson, I bent down to her level and said, “I love to watch you play your ukulele.” I didn’t mention anything else—just those simple words. Her face lit up in a radiant smile, and she hugged me tightly, whispering, “Thank you, Mama.” I could see the weight lifting off her shoulders.
Given how well my daughters reacted to my newfound mantra, I began to embrace this approach more frequently. “I love to watch you read.” “I love to watch you swing.” These simple affirmations became my way of expressing love in a heartfelt yet uncomplicated manner.
But I didn’t stop there. I realized my husband also deserved to hear such words. One day, while observing him volunteer at a center for individuals with autism, I felt a surge of admiration. I took a moment to write down everything I appreciated about him—“I love watching you teach our daughter to roller skate,” and “I love watching you laugh.” I planned to share this note with him during a quiet moment together.
The lesson I learned is clear: When watching someone you love fills your heart with joy, it’s important to express that feeling. It’s as simple as that.
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To summarize, expressing simple and sincere words of encouragement can create lasting connections with your loved ones. It’s about finding joy in their passions and letting them know you’re their biggest fan.