Pumping is quite the ordeal—both literally and metaphorically. Who really wants to be tethered to a machine that stretches your breast into an uncomfortable plastic funnel, slowly extracting your precious milk into tiny bottles? Tina Fey hit the nail on the head when she humorously referred to breast pumps as “Williams-Sonoma Tit Juicers.”
Each pumping session ate up a solid 20 to 30 minutes of my time. Add in the cleaning of the equipment and storing of the milk, and the entire process ballooned to nearly 40 minutes. That’s a significant chunk of time when you’re also juggling the care of your little ones or managing work responsibilities—or often both!
And let’s not even talk about the heartache of accidentally knocking over a precious cup of freshly pumped milk. I had my share of meltdowns in my sleep-deprived haze. A friend of mine had an even worse experience: she discovered her deep freezer had failed, forcing her to toss out months’ worth of stored milk.
The lengths we go to while pumping can be quite comical. One day, my mother-in-law walked in on me multitasking—pumping while balancing a bowl of cereal on one leg, bouncing my fussy baby in a bouncer with the other, and reading to my older child. I even managed to rig my nursing bra to hold the pump so I could finish grading papers while eating dinner! One memorable morning, I plugged my pump into an outlet in the bathroom while simultaneously styling my hair with a hairdryer and curling iron. Talk about efficiency!
Sure, there are portable breast pumps that allow you to move about freely while you pump, but they come at a cost that could rival your children’s college tuition—plus the therapy sessions needed for them to process the bizarre sight of you pumping. And honestly, who feels like cleaning or cooking when you’re running on fumes, just trying to keep your little ones safe and teach them a thing or two while your partner is at work? Just be careful not to overdo it on caffeine while staying awake, or you may end up in breastfeeding purgatory.
I’ve pumped in a variety of less-than-ideal locations: a bar, a car, even a shower chair! When you commit to breastfeeding, prepare for some less-than-private moments. For instance, some friends of mine have pumped while navigating busy highways during rush hour, but I never dared to attempt that—my coordination skills aren’t up to the task. However, I did pump in the car while someone else drove on one occasion.
During a Girls’ Weekend trip, I faced a dilemma: how to keep my milk fresh. I made the questionable decision to toss it out the window, which resulted in a nice milk paste baked onto my car’s exterior after a day in the sun. Lesson learned: a car wash was definitely needed!
Throughout the weekend, I carried my pump in a backpack to express milk whenever necessary, even managing to pump and dump at a rest stop bathroom on the way home. Talk about learning on the go!
Ultimately, while pumping may not be the most pleasant experience, knowing I’m providing my children with healthy, nutritious milk makes it worthwhile. After all, it’s all about that liquid gold!
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In summary, pumping is a challenging yet rewarding aspect of motherhood. The time spent connected to a machine can feel overwhelming, but the benefits of providing your children with your milk make it all worthwhile.