One of the more challenging experiences in raising my son was coming to terms with his lack of motivation as a student. My partner and I consciously tried to separate his academic performance from our self-worth as parents, especially during his high school years. Yet, there were times when our confidence wavered, and we found ourselves questioning our parenting choices. What had we overlooked? What could we have done differently to spark his academic drive?
In reality, it was never our responsibility to ignite that motivation—he had to uncover it on his own.
In today’s competitive atmosphere filled with advanced placement classes, honor rolls, and the pressure to achieve perfect SAT scores, having a child with average academic performance is often seen as a significant issue. Many parents feel embarrassed or ashamed when their child is a “C” student, especially since top-tier colleges often overlook them. High school counselors, overwhelmed by their caseloads, and private admissions consultants, focused on their image and success rates, may dismiss average students as destined for community college.
However, average grades in high school do not determine future success in college. My son, for example, graduated with a GPA just under 3.0. His struggles stemmed from a combination of a mild learning disability (ADHD) and a pronounced lack of interest in academics. His father and I tried various strategies to spark his enthusiasm for learning, including hiring tutors—one of whom was a PhD English teacher known for inspiring students, including our older daughter. Despite the teacher’s engaging methods, I couldn’t help but notice my son’s utter disinterest during their sessions. As an avid reader with a degree in English, his lack of passion for literature was disheartening. How would he cope with college without the skills to analyze complex texts?
Conversely, when it came to sports, my son was a wealth of knowledge. His ability to recall baseball and football statistics was impressive, and he could break down game plays with the precision of a mathematician tackling calculus. We often wondered how this knowledge would serve him academically. Nevertheless, we recognized that the life skills he gained through football—like commitment, discipline, respect, and teamwork—were invaluable, so we supported him as an offensive lineman, hoping his passion for sports would eventually translate into his studies.
The notion that attending a prestigious university is the only route to success is misguided and unrealistic for the majority of high school students who may not have the grades or finances to attend elite institutions. Numerous excellent colleges welcome average students, providing valuable experiences and education that justify attending college in the first place. My son was fortunate to be accepted into one of those institutions.
Parents of average students may want to adopt a different approach than we did, resisting the urge to constantly pressure their children to excel academically. Many teens do not reach a level of maturity that inspires them to work hard until after high school. The arguments and frustrations over getting him to study harder were often counterproductive and only added stress to our family dynamic.
For my son, it was only in college—when he discovered a passion for American history—that he began to achieve the grades we always knew he was capable of. He graduated in four years in the spring of 2014, supported by counseling and a newfound maturity. His senior thesis explored the history of the Mexican baseball league and its influence on American sports, earning a B+. Now, he juggles two jobs: one in management for a college football team and another in public affairs for a major energy company. His success, despite being an average high school student—and without our constant oversight—was incredibly rewarding for us.
It’s unlikely that a future employer will inquire about his high school GPA. Why would they? He offers so much more than that.
(Note: This reflection was shared with my son’s encouragement.)
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Summary
Parenting an average student can be a challenge, but it’s essential to recognize that grades don’t define a child’s potential. While pressure to excel academically is common, finding a student’s intrinsic motivation is often more effective. Personal growth and discovery can lead to success beyond high school, as shown in my son’s journey from an unmotivated student to a thriving college graduate with a promising career.