Updated: Dec. 18, 2015
Originally Published: May 25, 2015
When it comes to rare date nights with my spouse, I often feel a sense of urgency to make everything perfect. The logistics involved in escaping the house once the babysitter arrives can be overwhelming, especially with three kids who are all at ages where I can’t just hop in the shower without worrying about them creating a masterpiece on the walls with markers or turning a potted plant into a mud pit. Even though we have help, I still need to ensure the kids have dinner ready and that bedtime will proceed smoothly for our sitter—anything to avoid that dreaded phone call while we’re out.
As I reflect on it, this may sound manageable, and many days it is. But on date nights, it often feels like an uphill battle. There are times when it seems simpler to enjoy our time together at home, lounging on the couch with takeout and a show, chatting across the coffee table. Most evenings, that setup works well for us, but eventually, the routine becomes monotonous. We crave that one-on-one connection beyond the constant interruptions for snacks and bedtime requests.
A couple of months ago, we finally got a chance to go out, and I was genuinely buzzed with anticipation. I tackled all the preparations with enthusiasm, while my husband, Jake, had to navigate some challenges before joining me. Unfortunately, he arrived burdened with work stress, while I was hoping for an enjoyable evening. The result? A lackluster date night that felt more like a chore than a treat. If I were to rate it, I’d give us a solid 3 out of 10—there was no spark. We exchanged polite conversation, but neither of us was truly present. I was too busy savoring my tacos to notice that we weren’t connecting.
We don’t get these opportunities for one-on-one dates often, so I tend to get a bit giddy when they happen. I love being asked about my preferences for food and drink, discussing topics outside our daily routine. I yearn for more meaningful conversations than I can squeeze in during a quick Starbucks run or preschool pick-up. That’s the whole point of making the effort, right? To forge a deeper bond and enjoy some fantastic guacamole along the way.
Generally, Jake and I have a solid relationship. We laugh, share love, and he listens to my rants without a hitch. I married someone who embraces my quirks, and I believe that’s a cornerstone of a happy partnership. Yet, like any couple, we go through phases of boredom; not every day can be a celebration, especially when exhaustion sets in.
I never anticipated feeling like “The Couple Who Has Nothing to Say,” but here we were, stuck in a rut. Adding kids and sleep deprivation can expose vulnerabilities in communication, and I’ve noticed other couples experiencing the same awkwardness. It’s tough to remember how to engage deeply when those chances are few and far between. But we keep trying, and we laugh at our missteps because one off night doesn’t define our long journey together.
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In summary, while planning date nights can feel like an overwhelming task, they also offer a valuable opportunity to reconnect with your partner. Despite the occasional awkwardness or lackluster experience, it’s essential to keep trying and to find joy in those moments of togetherness, whether at home or out on the town.