Welcome to the wild and wonderful world of toddlerhood! As you embark on this journey, you might be curious about what the upcoming year will bring. From late bedtimes to sneaky cookie raids off the kitchen counter, and your parents finding themselves in peculiar situations — like hiding in a closet — there’s a lot to look forward to! Instead of overwhelming you with possibilities, let’s dive right into the things you absolutely shouldn’t do. Good luck navigating this delightful chaos!
- Ignoring Authority: If your caregivers haven’t questioned your hearing during your second year, they’re missing the mark. Make it a point to ignore them completely. If they dare call your name, just pretend you’re in your own little world. Answering back might lead them to believe you’ll listen to them, and we can’t have that!
- Mess Making: Your mom has made a grave mistake by giving you crayons, and now it’s time to unleash your artistic side! If she leaves her purse or phone within reach, it’s your duty to create chaos. Walls, floors, and furniture? They’re your canvas. Mr. Clean won’t stand a chance against your masterpiece of mess.
- Noise Creation: Why be quiet when you can make a ruckus? The kitchen is filled with pots and pans just waiting for your rhythmic tapping. And those vocal cords? Perfect for letting out a primal scream during the most mundane moments. Words might not be your forte yet, but who needs them when you have volume?
- Rejection of Reason: Should anyone attempt to reason with you, let them feel the weight of their poor life choices! It could be freezing outside, and your mom might suggest a coat, but no way! You’ll choose to wear only your diaper and boots, and let her figure it out.
- Dinner Dilemmas: After your mom has cooked a lovely meal, there’s only one thing to do: refuse it. Bonus points for specifically asking for something and then turning it down. Show your displeasure proportionately to the effort she put into making it. A plate of spaghetti? Toss it aside while locking eyes with her. If it’s something delicious, like grass-fed meatballs, take it to the next level and stuff them into her shoes.
- Claiming Possessions: Everything is yours. That toy, the cookie, even Dad’s phone — they all belong to you. The laws of possession are simple: what’s theirs is also yours. It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and you’re the top dog. Make sure everyone around you knows that everything they see is yours.
- Unyielding Defiance: As a toddler, your mission is to cause mayhem. If someone tries to discipline you, ensure they regret their decision. Scream, kick, and throw things to your heart’s content. Show them that you have all day to make your point.
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In summary, toddlerhood is a hilarious and chaotic experience filled with mischief and mayhem. Embrace the wild side of parenting and remember to cherish these moments, even amidst the chaos.