Why I’m Learning to Embrace Yelling at My Kids

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Parenting can sometimes feel like an uphill battle, and I often find myself grappling with the idea that “the way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.” This thought lingers in my mind, often leading to feelings of guilt and self-doubt. Honestly, I know I don’t always want my own inner voice echoed back to me by my children. I’m far from perfect, and when stress levels rise, my patience tends to dwindle.

Wouldn’t it be great if I could channel one of those serene mothers who calmly communicate with their kids? Picture this: it’s 8 p.m., and I’m drowning in unfinished homework, a mountain of dishes, and bedtime chaos with three little ones. Meanwhile, those calm moms seem to glide through the evening without breaking a sweat. I, on the other hand, find myself shouting, often starting with something as simple as socks.

“GET YOUR SOCKS OUT OF THE PLAYROOM!” I find myself yelling, and I can’t help but wonder: how did one child manage to wear so many pairs in a single day? When my pleas go unheard, my frustration grows, and I raise my voice even more. It feels wrong, yet somehow effective. I hate that I resort to yelling, but in that moment, it feels like the only way to regain control.

I’ve tried to adopt the techniques of those calm, “Orange Rhino” moms—those who navigate parenting without raising their voices. I sought their guidance and, more often than not, stumbled along the way. It sometimes makes me think they must be fictional characters, like those from fairytales. I want to be that mom who can elegantly handle everything, but alas, I’m just not there yet.

After nearly a decade of parenting, I still struggle to keep my emotions in check. I fear that my outbursts are shaping my children’s inner narratives in ways I don’t intend. Despite this, I find solace in knowing I’m not alone; many of us carry scars from our own upbringing, shaped by family, peers, or even bullies.

Life is full of noise, making it difficult to shield our children from negative influences. Nevertheless, I hope to instill in them the values of unconditional love and forgiveness. An instance that reassured me was when a parent from my son’s preschool shared how my child had positively impacted her daughter, who was facing difficulties with other kids. My child’s compassion reminded me that despite my shortcomings, she is learning the importance of kindness and acceptance.

So, hats off to those calm moms who manage to navigate the daily grind with grace. As for me, I’ll continue to yell occasionally, hoping it encourages my kids to listen and act, while also learning from my mistakes.

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In summary, parenting is a messy, imperfect journey. While I may not be the perfect example of calmness, I strive to teach my children valuable lessons about love and forgiveness amidst the chaos.