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Have a serious heart-to-heart with yourself: Today, you’re only purchasing a single bag of coffee. That’s it. Just coffee.
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Bring along a child. A preteen who has been dragged away from video games is effective, but the best choice is a toddler—preferably one in the throes of potty training and the Terrible Twos. (If you don’t have a toddler, consider borrowing one from a stressed-out mom; she’ll be eternally grateful.)
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Step into Target and feel that familiar rush of excitement! Ah, the symptoms are clear: you’re catching a case of the Target High. Luckily, you’ve got a toddler with you to keep your impulses in check. (Target High: a euphoric feeling where you find yourself wanting to buy everything in sight. Symptoms include dizziness, giddiness, and an urge to swipe your credit card.)
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Secure the toddler in the cart—she starts whining, the countdown has begun. Give her a cereal bar to buy yourself a brief moment of peace.
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Choose the long way to the coffee aisle to avoid distractions in the home decor section. Almost immediately, you realize this was a bad idea. Your eyes dart toward the purses on the right… No! Stay focused!
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But wait—now you’re at the shoe section. You slow down, mesmerized by sandals and sneakers. Ooh! Clearance boots! Surely just a quick peek won’t hurt. (You glance at the toddler; she’s only half finished with her cereal bar.)
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Regretfully, you leave the shoes behind, wistfully brushing your fingers over a beaded sandal—maybe next paycheck…
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Walk away decisively—oh look! A bright red sign over the juniors’ tees screams “Sale!”
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Five foggy minutes later, you find yourself in the family-sized dressing room. How did you end up here? Your cart is overflowing with 36 items from the juniors’ section, and the toddler is licking jelly off her hand.
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Blink a few times to regain your focus. Well, since you’re here, you might as well try these on… for when you next get paid.
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Ten minutes later, you shuffle out, feeling like a bloated cow. Hand over 35 of the 36 items to the attendant, ignoring her disapproving look.
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As you wipe jelly off the toddler’s face, you pass the exercise clothes. Maybe if you splurge on some cute workout gear, it’ll inspire you to exercise and feel better about yourself next time you wander through the juniors’ department.
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Suddenly, the toddler announces, “Me go potty nooooow!”
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You sprint to the bathrooms, panting. But alas, it’s too late. She’s soaked! As you change her clothes, it dawns on you: perhaps she could use another pair of pants… I mean, since you’re already here…
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Justifying this detour mentally, you convince yourself to only do a quick walk-by through the baby section. You’ll only stop for a sale sign.
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Arriving at the baby and toddler section, you gasp. The tutus, the lace, the adorable raincoats! Your heart races!
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The toddler squeals, “Let go!” (Which means she’s spotted something from Frozen.) Distracted by the raincoats, you hand her a stuffed Olaf to keep her occupied. She’ll scream if you don’t buy it, but right now, those raincoats are calling you.
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In less than four seconds, you toss 18 toddler outfits into your cart, promising to decide at checkout.
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On your way to the checkout, you pass the organization aisle. Chevron-striped bins! Perfect for the tangled cords at home. You can’t resist—three bins go into your cart. Target High is officially in full swing.
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As you round the corner, you spot mismatched bowls that remind you of Anthropologie dishes. Just yesterday, your son obliterated your last snack bowl during a science experiment. You snag a set of eight, feeling elated.
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A quick glance confirms the toddler is happily gnawing on Olaf’s carrot nose, giving you three more minutes of peace…
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But wait! An adorable serving tray catches your eye. You’ve been meaning to get one, and at only $12.99, it’s practically a steal! Into the cart it goes.
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Suddenly, the toddler gags. Panic sets in as you retrieve half of Olaf’s nose from her mouth. She erupts into a full-blown tantrum—the Toddler Time Bomb has detonated. Everyone in the store turns to stare. Time to make a hasty exit.
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You scoop the screaming toddler into a football hold and dash to the checkout, maneuvering the cart with your free arm, only briefly glancing at the shiny kitchen gadgets whizzing past.
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Before entering the line, you take stock of your cart and realize it’s overflowing. When did you add a paisley broom and decorative hooks?
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You rummage through your purse, finding a lollipop to calm the toddler, who immediately stops crying and starts licking.
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Pulling out your phone, you check your bank balance. You gasp in disbelief. This can’t be right…
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Reloading the app reveals the same disheartening number.
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You contemplate your options. Six days until payday means if you skip Starbucks and pack the kids’ lunches, you can afford the raincoat, two bowls, and, of course, Olaf. Suddenly, your Target High is gone.
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Reluctantly, you push your cart into the checkout line (past others also staring forlornly at their phones). You mumble to the cashier, “Um, we’ve changed our minds. Just the raincoat, bowls, and Olaf.”
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With a defeated sigh, you exit the store. You strap the toddler into her car seat and realize—you forgot the coffee.
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Summary:
Shopping at Target can quickly escalate from a simple coffee run to a cart full of items you didn’t plan on buying, especially when accompanied by a toddler. Despite your best intentions, the allure of sales and cute clothes can lead you astray. A little self-control and a plan can help you stay focused, but sometimes, it’s just too easy to get swept up in the excitement of Target.