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Why Staying Together for the Kids’ Sake Might Not Be Beneficial
When it comes to navigating family dynamics during a divorce, one of the most debated topics is how to minimize the impact on the children. It’s important to acknowledge that regardless of how amicable your separation may be, it’s unlikely to be straightforward for your kids.
Recently, I came across a heartfelt article by Jamie West on a parenting platform discussing the emotional fallout of an unfulfilling marriage. He expressed that after years of confusion and sadness, he and his partner felt more like empty shells than a loving couple. Jamie contemplated the idea of remaining together for their children’s sake, but ultimately realized that living a facade was not the solution.
I resonate with his perspective, but I believe he overlooked an important point: staying together for the sake of your children may not actually serve their best interests.
My parents divorced when I was eight, and their separation became official a few years later. Back in the early 1970s, I didn’t know many kids with divorced parents. Fast forward to today, and divorce is far more common; many of my contemporaries and even some of my kids’ friends are navigating similar situations. My own husband is divorced too, making me his second wife—an odd title to claim sometimes.
From my experience of growing up with divorce and witnessing the struggles it brings, I can say this with certainty: don’t remain together for your children. Just like you, they deserve to embrace new beginnings. The sooner you can all move forward, the better it will be for everyone involved.
Every parent envisions their children finding lasting love and happiness. Whether you hope they dive into romantic adventures or prefer they wait for the right person, the goal remains the same: we want our kids to experience true love. But how can they learn about healthy relationships if they are surrounded by a dysfunctional marriage? The atmosphere grows tense, and despite efforts to protect them, kids can sense the underlying negativity.
What truly benefits children is witnessing their parents in healthy, authentic relationships. They shouldn’t grow up in an environment where love is mere pretense or where the parents can barely tolerate each other. Children need to understand that true love is worth pursuing and that it sometimes requires taking risks. If you’re the parent who needs to leave the family home, know that you can still be present in your children’s lives without living a lie. Life is about growth and change; they need to learn that moving on is a part of life.
I firmly believe in the institution of marriage and the importance of nurturing that commitment. However, when a marriage has run its course, it’s essential for everyone, including the children, to move on. This is the healthiest choice you can make for them. By doing so, you show them that love exists outside of conflict and that they too deserve happiness. Keeping a failing marriage intact for their sake only serves to bind them in an unhealthy situation—a role they will not appreciate in the long run.
For more insights on parenting and family dynamics, check out this other blog post on home insemination, which discusses related themes of family planning.
In summary, while the intention to stay together for the children’s benefit is understandable, it can often lead to more harm than good. Children thrive in environments where love and respect are genuine, not forced. Moving on may be difficult, but it ultimately paves the way for healthier family dynamics and sets a better example for the next generation.