My mom has made it abundantly clear more than once that she thinks some of the things we “modern” parents do are downright absurd. She believes we overanalyze our kids’ feelings, excessively pamper them, and keep them wrapped in a bubble of hand sanitizer and sunscreen.
This makes me wonder: Are we modern moms too much? Are we overly concerned with everything? Have we turned into parenting perfectionists? Here are 30 reasons my mother thinks we’ve truly lost the plot…
- Video baby monitors. According to her, these gadgets are the reason moms are sleep-deprived. We’re glued to the screens, checking for the slightest whimper or worrying about SIDS. If the baby is crying, trust me, you’ll hear it. You don’t need a fancy monitor to tell you that!
- My obsession with scheduling activities for my kids. As if they’ll wither away from boredom for even a moment.
- The food rules we follow: everything must be organic, hormone-free, gluten-free, and so on. My mom agrees with my concerns over milk, but I can only imagine her reaction to my endless organic grocery list.
- All clothing must be 100% cotton. My kids have sensitive skin. Apparently, so do countless others these days.
- Body washes and lotions must be all-natural and free of fragrances. Again, sensitive skin.
- Laundry detergent? It better be biodegradable and devoid of dyes, fragrances, and chemicals.
- The preschool admission process feels like applying to college. Waiting lists, interviews, and rejections—oh my!
- My kids actually ask for kale smoothies. No joke.
- Those car seat contraptions? You need a PhD just to buckle your child in.
- It took me half an hour to leave the house with all the baby gear. Seriously.
- My private preschool bill? Let’s just say it rivals a mortgage payment.
- My kids have never had a hot dog. Choking hazard, you know.
- Balloons are banned at birthday parties. Choking hazard again.
- My kids refer to their private parts as “Woo Hoos.”
- They have no idea what a period is. Even when I’m changing a tampon in a public restroom, I casually say, “Mommy has a boo-boo in her woo-hoo.”
- My kids sometimes dance like they’re in a music video. I grew up with MTV, so what do they expect?
- We scrutinize our kids’ poop for fiber intake and even share the details with family. Yeah, I know!
- My kids don’t set the table. (We’re working on it.)
- Folding laundry? Still a work in progress.
- Making their beds? Not yet.
- We don’t even own a Bible.
- Birth plans and a slew of sonograms? Yep, that’s us.
- Gender reveal parties—because why not?
- My kids ask for Starbucks like it’s the norm. “Can I get a kid’s hot chocolate with a dash of cocoa powder? SOY, please!”
- My wine consumption to cope with motherhood is well-known. My kids even recognize “Mommy’s Wine Time.”
- My children can do yoga poses like downward-facing dog.
- I allow countless kiddie music CDs to play in the car.
- The concept of “too much screen time” is debated endlessly by experts.
- Hand sanitizer is an everyday essential. A million times a day.
- I analyze my kids’ every move. I write about them on this blog, contribute to other publications, and read tons about parenting online. (eye-roll)
Why can’t we just go back to the basics with some balloons, cake, and ice cream? Oh wait, balloons could choke someone, and cake and ice cream are probably loaded with artificial ingredients that can lead to who knows what.
Sigh.
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Summary
Modern motherhood has evolved into a complex, often overwhelming landscape filled with strict rules and endless analysis. From advanced baby monitors to organic everything, the pressure to be the “perfect” parent is palpable. The article humorously critiques the extremes of contemporary parenting while reflecting on the simpler times of childhood.